Tuesday, June 5, 2012

29 Reasons Stopping You Moving Forward

by Steven Aitchison

Today I want to share some of the truths I have learned over the years that have stopped me moving forward in life.

Do any of these ring true for you?

Perfection – Perfection does not exist. If you accept that everything can be improved upon then perfection cannot exist. Give up the concept of being perfect and get on with your life as best you can.

Waiting for the right time – The right time is now, why put it off. If you’ve been waiting for the right time for something and haven’t taken action yet, it’s going to be difficult to start.

Being stuck in the past – If you focus on the past, you stay in the past. Moving forward is about acknowledging the past, but gently let the invisible cord of the past go, and move toward a better future.

Lying to yourself – Honesty with yourself and others will do wonders for moving you forward in life. Start with yourself and be as honest as possible about who you are, what you’re doing and where you’re going. If you’ve been a bit of an arse, admit it, and resolve to change.

Staying on the ‘Poor me’ train – The ‘Poor Me’ train never reaches it’s destination, because there is no destination, it’s just a train full of whiners and moaners. Jump off at the next station and resolve never to go back on the ‘Poor me’ train again.

Befriending the vampires – Vampires suck the life force out of you. It’s those people who bitch, moan, complain and generally suck the energy out of you. Drop them as quickly as possible, if you can’t drop them avoid them as much as possible.

Keeping a tight comfort zone – If you’ve got a tight comfort zone then you’re not pushing yourself hard enough. Push the boundaries of your comfort zone little, and as often as you can. If you only do things you feel comfortable doing you will stop growing, mentally, emotionally and intellectually.

Saying ‘I can’t do that’ – As soon as you utter this phrase your brain will take it as fact that you cannot do it, and give up trying to look for a solution. If you replace ‘I can’t’ with ‘I’m getting better….’, your brain will re-engage with you to look for ways to help you become better at something.

Comparing yourself to others – when you compare yourself to others you will ultimately fail. If you work on exceeding your own expectations you will fair much better in life.

Moaning – we seem to live in a world of moaners, and it’s easy to get caught up in it. Make it a point to only moan if you’re going to take action on what you’re moaning about, which should help cut down 99% of your moaning.

Multi tasking – Multi tasking is not possible, period! Or rather you can multi task, but because you can’t multitask and give 100% to each activity it’s impossible to do something well without giving it your full attention.

Asking ‘Why’ questions – A lot of the questions we ask ourselves are: Why does this happen to me, why can’t I do that, why is he better than me. Most why questions cause you to focus on the past and gives your brain a reason to look for reasons why you can’t do something. Instead you could ask ‘How’ questions, which are outcome oriented: How can I become better at that, how can I become the best I can be.

Trying to be in the circle – People in the circle want to be the same and conform into a group. You’ve got around 70 years on this earth, spend it finding yourself and break free from the crowd, or at least find yourself and decide if you want to break free from the crowd or not.

Not spending enough time with yourself – When was the last time you spent time alone and really loved it? Being happy with your own company is a good indicator of getting the right balance in life, as long as you’re not alone all day every day

Trying for the quick fix – Get rich quick, Lose weight fast, build up muscle quickly. Going for the quick fix in anything, usually doesn’t work in the long run. Anything worth doing, is worth taking the time to enjoy the journey of achieving.

Being a control freak – Another thing that is impossible to do is to control life. Life has a tendency to twist and turn when least expected. Planning ahead is good, but trying to control what’s in front of you can only lead to frustration.

Thinking you never have any luck – Samuel Goldwyn said ‘The harder I work, the luckier I get.’ Luck comes to those who put themselves in the path of it, to do that you must get out there and be the best you can be.

Watching the news – watching the news only perpetuates, in your mind, that the world is a bad place. The world is an amazing place with some bad people in it. If you watch the news you’d think every second person is a murderer, rapist or paedophile.

Wishing well thinking – It’s great to wish for things in your life, and sometimes it can be a nice daydream to dream of winning the lottery, but if you are banking on your wishes coming true, you’re not going to go far. Better to have wishes and work toward them than sitting around wishing.

Thinking the world owes you – Nobody, nothing or anything owes you a favour in life. We all have to take action toward the things we would like in life, it’s not coming to knock on your door.

Watching TV – TV is another energy drainer unless used for educational purposes. Watching soaps and reality TV actually gets you emotionally involved in someone else’s life, even though, in the case of soaps, they are fictitious. You’re essentially giving away your energy to a box in the corner of the living room.

Blaming others – There’s are always others who hurt us, physically, mentally and emotionally, but blaming them for not moving on with life will stunt your growth, emotionally and mentally. Accept that some people in your life have hurt you, and let them go mentally.

Not deciding what to do in life – A lot of people are unhappy in their jobs, not because they can’t get the job they want, but because they don’t know what job they want. Decide what you truly, madly, passionately, want to do with your life and start taking small steps to get there.

Not finding a reason to smile – We all have reasons to be grateful in our life, even if it’s just for the fact that you have access to a computer to read this post. Counting your blessings daily is a great exercise to improve the quality of your life.

Chasing others – If someone truly wants to be a part of your life they will make the effort to do so. You don’t need to chase someone to be in your life, and waste energy trying to do so.

Giving up too quickly – If you fail at something, learn from it and try again, if you fail again, learn some more and try again, if you fail again, learn some more……………

Not taking risks – Life is inherently risky and you’ve made it this far. Risk more in your life, as the rewards will far outweigh the thought of never having risked at all.

Not forgiving yourself - There’s not a single person on this planet that has not made mistakes in their life. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and free up your emotional energy for the things that matter.

Not enjoying the little things in life – Stop for a while to enjoy the little things in life, 30 years from now those little things will mean everything.

I hope you enjoyed this article. If you have anything to add, just add a comment below and share your thoughts.

End Procrastination and Start Living

by Steven Aitchison

Procrastination is a funny thing
It only brings me sorrow
But I can change at any time
I think I will ... tomorrow

~ Author unknown

Each of us engages in an on-going discussion with ourselves that takes the shape and form of a sort of dialogue that plays out as we interact with people, confront perceived deficiencies within or are confronted by internal or external challenges.

The nature of that dialogue matters profoundly to our happiness.

If your inner dialogue was transcribed, what would the transcript read like? Would you feel good about others reading it?

What do you say to yourself when things get difficult, when you stumble or fall? Are the words you say to yourself uplifting and encouraging? Or is the inner dialogue negative and pessimistic, plagued with doubt, fear and self-condemnation?

The way you speak to yourself in the intimacy of your thoughts has an impact on how and when and if you actively work to make your dreams a reality.

Does your inner dialogue sound more like this?

"Wait! Stop! You can't do it! It's a dumb idea! You've never done anything like it before! Just go home! Give up! Give in! Don't try. You'll only embarrass yourself. Go back to bed. Turn on the TV. Take a nap. And just quit."

Or this?

"It's okay. It's not that bad. Keep at it. At least I've learned what NOT to do next time! This is a great idea, just needs some refining. What can I do differently? What can I learn from it?"


The difference between the two attitudes is profound in its effect on the pursuit of your goals. What you repeatedly say to yourself creates mental roadblocks and obstacles to taking action toward your dreams. Procrastination becomes easier, more likely and more permanent.

But positive self-talk will free you and lift you and motivate and excite and encourage you to proactively take steps toward the life you want to live. It keeps you wading through swamps of challenge and climbing mountains of hardship and crossing deserts of difficulty in the pursuit of your dreams.

Changing the habitual language of your internal dialogue can be difficult, but it's also a key to overcoming procrastination.

We are so conditioned to believe we are average, normal, a replaceable spoke in the wheel of life. We're nothing spectacular, we tell ourselves. We're not one of "those" people who succeed or do great things or climb to the highest peaks of life.

And so we become our worst enemies, self-limiting, self-crippling, self-undermining.

But it doesn't have to be that way. We can reject the limited, obscured and inaccurate version of ourselves and replace it with something much more exalted and accurate.

It may be that your amazing life hasn't yet been realized. But it's there. Inside you. Ready to come out. Wanting to come out. Paused at the doorstep of something special, waiting while we fumble around for the keys to unlock the door of our potential.

The reality is that we are endowed with the spark of greatness. There is no limit to what we can accomplish. There is no limit to what YOU can accomplish. Except for the limits we impose on ourselves.

Procrastination is little more than the negative talk inside made manifest outside. It's the fear and laziness and doubt that softens the ground around you, making it difficult to get traction and move forward.

What is it that you've always wanted to do but didn't believe you were smart enough or good enough or kind enough or strong enough or good enough to accomplish?

It's time. Today. Now. Believe you can. Change the conversation in your head. And begin taking the necessary steps toward the life you yearn to live.

"Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved." ~ William Jennings Bryan

You see, we have two choices in life, two general attitudes we can choose to harbor:

1) Wait and see.
2) Go and get.

The first is passive. We wait for life to lay its gifts on our laps. It sometimes does. It usually doesn't. We end up the passive recipient, waiting for life to produce.

The second attitude is proactive. We get off your butts and choose what we want from life and then go to work to get it. We don't always get what we aim for.

But we stretch ourselves in the process and end up a little bigger, a little taller, a little better than we were before.

And that is the better gift.

How to say 'No' and still be a nice guy

Many times in our daily lives, we face situations, where we should say "no" to a request. However, we find it to be a very difficult thing to do.

We are afraid to think what others are saying if we decline. We might also think that saying "no" will hurt our relationship with that other person – permanently.

In most of the cases, those fears are unnecessary. They are just our imagination and in reality, nothing scary will happen, if we turn a request down.

Why you should decline from a request

There are many reasons why you should decline to do something, if you are being asked to.

Increased productivity
Saying "no" will increase your productivity, because you are not accepting any new work that would possibly distract you. Also, you are able to focus to your current tasks better, which ensures that they get done.

Keep the deadlines
You are much more likely to keep your deadlines if you say "no".

For example, if you are about to deliver some work to a client, you want to keep the agreed deadlines. Saying "yes" to an external request might potentially increase your workload so much, that you don’t have enough capability of handling all the work in time.

You are in control of your life
If you have difficulties of saying "no", then in the worst case others may take advantage of your kindness.

However, if you decide to say "no", you are in control your life – not others. You decide what task to accept, what meetings to attend or what activities to participate on your free-time.

You are true to your core values
We all have core values that we live our life by. For example, honesty is one of those values that is very important for me. That’s why I would find difficult to commit to an activity, which requires me to lie.

Your inner voice will most likely advice you to say "no", whenever your values are going to be violated.

Less stress
Closely related to productivity, saying "no" is also one way of decreasing your stress levels. When you are not overloaded with work and tight schedules, you have much less stress to handle.

That in turn affects positively to your well-being and happiness.

The right way to decline

Now that you learned about the benefits of saying "no", you should also understand the different ways of saying "no" the right way.

These are the ways I have used myself. Although I’m not saying that declining becomes effortless by applying these tips, it still becomes easier.

1. Evaluate the situation
When someone comes to you and asks you to do something, you have to evaluate the situation first.

Obviously, if the situation is critical and the other person is depending on your help (for example in a traffic accident), then it is natural to answer "yes".

However, in normal, everyday situations the request is most likely much less severe (your colleague asks you to come for a drink after work), so you have both the options "yes" and "no" at your disposal.

Also, you most likely have more time to come up with a justification why you are going to say "no".

2. Be discreet, but firm
I tend to start my "no" answer in the form of "Unfortunately I’m unable to …" and then follow with the justification, why I’m not able to fulfill the request.

The main point here is to say "no" in a polite, but firm manner. Some people are very rude in their replies when they decline and that kind of behavior leaves me cold every time.

Although in those cases the message (denial) comes very clear, I still prefer the softer and more polite way of saying things.

3. Say your opinion clearly enough
Truly mean what you say. Your answer should be a definite "no", not a "maybe". Don’t leave other people wondering what you mean by your answer.

Say your answer in a clear and loud enough manner, so that the other person understands your point at once.

4. Be honest
When you say "no", be honest with your reasonings. Don’t make up reasons why you are not willing to fulfill the request. When you are caught lying, it is embarrassing to yourself.

Also, if the other person happens to be your colleague or friend that you lied to, it will have negative consequences to your relationships.

5. Be selfish
This last point is perhaps the most important one when it comes to saying "no". The thing is that

if the other person has a right to present you a request, you have the equal right to say "no" as an answer.

Also, you should also reflect your own situation to that request before you answer; Are you willing to fully commit to it, does it fit to your schedules and are you capable of handling the request in the first place.

Conclusion

I try to keep these tips and techniques as my guidelines when I evaluate a request – and when I decide to say "no".

It is understandable, that saying "no" is not the easiest thing to do at times. But at the same time, if you are polite and honest, it is much easier this way.

However, this doesn’t mean that I’m saying "no" all the time. In fact, sometimes you have to say "yes" as an answer. This depends of course from the situation you are in.

By carefully evaluating the situation first before answering, is the right way to move on in that that scenario.

What Do You Stand For?

By Ken Wer

"Let my name stand among those who are willing to bear ridicule and reproach for the truth’s sake, and so earn some right to rejoice when the victory is won." ~ Louisa May Alcott

There comes a time in each of our lives when we must decide who we are and what we stand for.

Truth is, we are called to take that stand each and every time there’s a choice to be made between doing what’s right in the moment, despite our fear and insecurities or the possibility of public scorn and following the crowd into the lukewarm waters of moral mediocrity and self-defeatism.

Each of these decisions becomes the brick and mortar of the rest of our lives that either creates a foundation strong enough to build a life that is amazing, beautiful, passionate and powerful or does not.

So what do you stand for?

Stand for Something Worth Standing for

Stand for Compassion

"If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one." ~ Mother Teresa

We are limited to the number of people we touch and inspire and lift and bless in this life by the degree to which we keep our hands in our own pockets and fail to reach out to those in need.

A no-brainer, right?

But then how many times have you had the opportunity to reach out to someone in need and you didn’t? In my own life, I can’t count them. I wish I could, but the number would be too high. Still, I’m not suggesting we sell all our possessions and spend all our lives serving the poor.

But there are causes in need of trumpeting. There are people, perhaps in your own family or neighborhood, who need a shoulder, a smile, a word of encouragement.

There are people who are just one visit, one phone call, one note, email or text away from finally feeling loved, accepted, appreciated, like they truly matter.

When was the last time you made that visit, placed that call or wrote that note of appreciation?

"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity." ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Don’t get me wrong, I know we have good hearts and good intentions, but when push comes to shove, do we sit and wait for the next person to do what’s needed to help, to bless, and serve or do we step up to the plate and do our part?

We can be such resources for good in the world, if we’re willing.

Perhaps the most important service we can render will be changes instigated in our own backyards and neighborhoods – with a friend going through a divorce, an elderly neighbor struggling to cope with the loss of her husband, a next door neighbor who can no longer push the lawn mower or take out the trash, a son or daughter struggling with their identity.

It will be by reaching out to individuals, one person at a time, loving them and lifting them and serving them, that we can most profoundly change lives and add meaning and purpose and happiness to our lives.

So smile at those who need a smile. Hug those who need a hug. Befriend those who need a friend. Talk to those who need to talk. Be the shoulder, the arm, the muscle, the heart that others will need from time to time as we all stumble through life together.

You’ll soon find that as you give, oh so much more will be received.

Stand for Truth

"Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare the truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare." ~ Voltaire

Are your values the shadows cast by other people’s standards? Does your character change with the seasons, or the crowd, or your mood? Are your standards more like a costume you wear when the occasion calls for it, then discarded when something better comes along? In other words, is your moral core made of such pliable stuff, that it’s easily squeezed into any shape or form?

Well, it’s time to take a stand! We can’t respect ourselves when we have no core worthy of our respect. If our core is no more than drift wood floating on the sea of societal norms and pop culture, or worse, of expediency, then truly there is nothing we can stand on. Only if you’re anchored to something fixed and solid can you build something tall and magnificent. So anchor yourself to universal principles and fundamental truths. There’s nothing more solid than that.

Standing for something means centering yourself on timeless principles. It means committing to live by those principles. It means leaving the crowd whenever they stray from those standards. That bedrock of core principles will return a sense of self-respect to the image in the mirror over time as they are applied, internalized and expressed as a natural extension of who you have become.

Stand for Self-Respect and Dignity

Are you so meek you’ve largely disappeared? Do you bend and bend some more and keep on bending? Are you so flexible that you’ve lost your spine and the ability to stand up altogether? Do you mold yourself into other people’s reality, losing the shape and form of who you most fundamentally are?

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself." ~ Robert Frost

Never become the doormat on which others wipe their feet. Never be the sole giver to a bottomless pit. Never secret your mind for fear of upsetting others by sharing a piece of it. Never deny yourself so as to keep the peace. Never be nothing to let someone else think they’re something. Never evaporate into thin air or turn to liquid or shrink into the cracks in the floorboards of life just because someone else is inclined to walk on you.

It’s time to stand and be counted! Stand tall with your moral footing firmly planted on moral principle and treat yourself with dignity and respect.

And expect it from others. But don’t fall to the noisy temptation of demanding respect by virtue of the volume of your voice, but by the quiet dignity of your integrity to what’s right and a healthy respect for who you are and are working to become.

Stand Even When No One Else Will Stand With You

Standing up to be counted is a daunting thing, especially if most of your life has been lived in the fetal position. But life cannot be lived well if we live it slouched, bent in the perpetual position of a bow or an apology or a question mark.

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

So refuse to be the question mark at the end of someone else’s sentence. Stop being the soggy flakes at the milky bottom of life’s cereal bowl. Refuse to be the whisper behind closed doors or the silence that sinks deep into the heart like a knife.

Instead, be a man or be a woman, standing tall, strong, a person of moral courage, dedicated to truth and principle, your hands outstretched, ready to lift the weary, a voice that is clear and distinct and confident. Ready, in short, to stand and be counted, to make a difference, to help change the world.

That, after all, is what we were meant to be. And together, that’s what we can accomplish.

Afterthoughts

"Those who stand for nothing fall for anything." ~ Alexander Hamilton

Decide what you stand for and stand for it! Stand for people, for relationships, for those in need, for your fellow brothers and sisters in this 7 billion member family called humanity. Stand on principle and for truth whether others follow or run or condemn.

Develop an inner core that prevents indifference and apathy, that keeps you walking on the same side of the street as the man with the empty eyes and empty pockets and empty stomach, that holds you firmly to high standards and the self-reverence of self- respect.

And then, and perhaps only then, will we develop the power to alter the course and trajectory of our world because we will have exercised the power to stand tall in the face of those who want us to kneel and cower and apologize and slide into the background of life.

But we won’t do it. Instead, we will stand for something greater than our own self-interest. We will stand for truth and dignity and humanity. And, if we must, even if abandoned by others for a time, we will still stand until the whole world is standing with us.

What do you stand for?

 

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