Memories and Lessons from Childhood

February 12, 2015

This is my story till this point of time completely...trust you will appreciate this and send me your likes if you find it was worthwhile... 

Yours truly RAMAN

For more than one reason, I just enjoy going to school. My parents are no more here today to attest what I say, but I have an older brother and an immediate younger sister who will testify what I am saying. I just hated school, and it would give me a nightmare even now if I think about it. I was battling with this guild all the way. However….

Today when I look back at what I learned during my formidable days of schooling, I see the so called punishments from my beloved teachers as great learning in life, for example :

1. Stand up on the bench - Take a holistic view, look at the big picture.
2. Stand with hands up - Aim high, reach higher.
3. Stand facing the wall - Introspection.
4. Stand outside the class - Learn through observation, take a world view.
5. Kneel down - Humility.
6. Become a hen (Murga Bano) - Physical endurance.
7. Clean the blackboard - Forget and forgive, start with a fresh slate.
8. Finger on your lips - Boast Less.
9. Hold your ears - Listen More.
10. Touch your toes - Be flexible & respect elders.
11. An imposition, write down a line 25 times - work towards perfection, improve handwriting.
12. Detained after school - Don't join the rat race, be exclusive.

Wish Those Days Come Back Again

I was a good student, was my father's pet, was mischievous, but not disobedient or ill behaved. Guess these punishments served the right cause, to make me what I am today,. I thanks my parents, teachers, schoolmates, friends, relatives, siblings, spouse and off springs and everyone around me for being there, with of course special thanks to the Almighty for everything. 

Some more thoughts on childhood

Tirukkural by Tiruvalluvar ( a Tamil poet/writer) was written more than 5000 yrs ago. It's one of the ancient science on Hum an behavior , which has not changed in-spite of modern education & technology ! ...

SOME GOLDEN THOUGHTS TO PONDER :-

1. If your child lies to you often, it is because you over-react too harshly to their inappropriate behavior. 

2. If your child is not taught to confide in you about their mistakes, you've lost them. 

3. If your child had poor self-esteem, it is because you advice them more than you encourage them. 

4. If your child does not stand up for themselves, it is because from a young age you have disciplined them regularly in public.

5. If your child takes things that do not belong to them, it is because when you buy them things, you don't let them chose what they want. 

6. If your child is cowardly, it is because you help them too quickly.

7. If your child does not respect other people's feelings, it is because instead of speaking to your child, you order and command them. 

8. If your child is too quick to anger, it is because you give too much attention to misbehavior and you give little attention to good behavior. 

9. If your child is excessively jealous, it is because you only congratulate them when they successfully complete something and not when they improve at something even if they don't successfully complete it.

10. If your child intentionally disturbs you, it is because you are not physically affectionate enough. 

11. If your child is openly defied, it is because you openly threaten to do something but don't follow through. 

12. If your child is secretive, it is because they don't trust that you won't blow things out of proportion. 

13. If your child talks back to you, it is because they watch you do it to others and think its normal behavior.

14. If your child doesn't listen to you but listens to others, it is because you are too quick to make decisions. 

15. If your child rebels it is because they know you care more about what others think than what is right.

Short Stories Worth Reading, and Feeling
Source Internet and Newspapers

1. Fall and Rise
Today, when I slipped on the wet tile floor a boy in a wheelchair caught me before I slammed my head on the ground. He said, “Believe it or not, that’s almost exactly how I injured my back 3 years ago .

2. A father's advice
Today, my father told me, “Just go for it and give it a try! You don’t have to be a professional to build a successful product. Amateurs started Google and Apple. Professionals built the Titanic

3. The power of uniqueness.
Today, I asked my mentor – a very successful business man in his 70’s – what his top 3 tips are for success. He smiled and said, “Read something no one else is reading, think something no one else is thinking, and do something no one else is doing.

4. Looking Back
Today, I interviewed my grandmother for part of a research paper I’m working on for my Psychology class. When I asked her to define success in her own words, she said, “Success is when you look back at your life and the memories make you smile.

5. Try and U shall know
I am blind by birth. When I was 8 years old, I wanted to play baseball. I asked my father- "Dad, can I play baseball?" He said "You'll never know until you try." When I was a teenager, I asked him, - "Dad Can I become a surgeon?". He replied "Son, you'll never know until you try." Today I am a Surgeon, just because I tried!

6. GOODNESS & GRATITUDE
Today, after a 72 hour shift at the fire station, a woman ran up to me at the grocery store and gave me a hug. When I tensed up, she realized I didn’t recognize her. She let go with tears of joy in her eyes and the most sincere smile and said, “On 9-11-2001, you carried me out of the World Trade Center.”

7. LOVE CONQUERS PAIN
Today, after I watched my dog get run over by a car, I sat on the side of the road holding him and crying. And just before he died, he licked the tears off my face.

8. A DOOR CLOSES TO OPEN ANOTHER
Today at 7AM, I woke up feeling ill, but decided I needed the money, so I went into work. At 3PM I got laid off. On my drive home I got a flat tire. When I went into the trunk for the spare, it was flat too. A man in a BMW pulled over, gave me a ride, we chatted, and then he offered me a job. I start tomorrow.

9. LOOKING BACK
Today, as my father, three brothers, and two sisters stood around my mother’s hospital bed, my mother uttered her last coherent words before she died. She simply said, “I feel so loved right now. We should have gotten together like this more often.”

10. AFFECTION
Today, I kissed my dad on the forehead as he passed away small hospital bed. About 5 seconds after he passed, I realized it was the first time I had given him a kiss since I was a little boy.

11. INNOCENCE
Today, in the cutest voice, my 8-year-old daughter asked me to start recycling. I chuckled and asked, “Why?” She replied, “So you can help me save the planet.” I chuckled again and asked, “And why do you want to save the planet?” “Because that’s where I keep all my stuff,” she said.

12. KINDNESS
Today, a boy in a wheelchair saw me desperately struggling on crutches with my broken leg and offered to carry my backpack and books for me. He helped me all the way across campus to my class and as he was leaving he said, “I hope you feel better soon.”.

13. SHARING
Today, I was traveling in Kenya and I met a refugee from Zimbabwe. He said he hadn’t eaten anything in over 3 days and looked extremely skinny and unhealthy. Then my friend offered him the rest of the sandwich he was eating. The first thing the man said was, “We can share it.”

14. DOING MY BIT
"Let me tell you a story I remember from my childhood: A terrible fire had broken out in the forest. All the animals were running away, including the lion, king of the forest. Suddenly, the lion saw a tiny bird rushing towards the fire. He asked the bird, 'what are you doing?' To the lion’s surprise, the bird replied 'I am on my way to extinguish the fire.' He laughed and said, 'how can you kill the fire with just one drop of water, in your beak?' The bird was adamant, and said, 'But I am doing my bit.'" 
--Kailash Satyarthi, 2014 Nobel Prize for Peace

15. CHEERS TO LIFE
John worked at a meat distribution factory. One day, when he finished with his work schedule, he went into the meat cold room (Freezer) to inspect something but in a moment of bad luck, the door closed and he was locked inside with no help in sight. Although he screamed and knocked with all his might, his cries went unheard as no one could hear him. Most of the workers had already gone and outside the cold room (freezer), it's impossible to hear what was going on inside. Five hours later, whilst John was on the verge of death, the security guard of the factory eventually opened the door and saved him. John then asked the security guard what he came to do there as it wasn't part of his work routine.

 His replies: "I've been working in this factory for 35 years. Hundreds of workers come in and out every day but you're one of the few who greets me in the morning and says goodbye to me every night when leaving after working hours. Many treat me as if I am invisible. So today like every other day, you greeted me in your simple manner "Hello" at the entrance when resuming for work, But curiously after working hours today, I observed I've not heard your "Good bye see you tomorrow". Hence I decided to check around the factory. 

I look forward to your greetings every day because to you, I am someone. By not hearing your farewell, I knew something had happened. Then I Sought and found you!

Moral Lesson:
 Be humble, love and respect those around you because life is too short. Try to have an impact on people in ways we can't even imagine especially the people that cross our path daily. Stay blessed!

16. MOTHER'S TRUE LOVE 
A young man after his father's death decided to leave his mother in the Home for the Aged with good intent though, but visited her off and on, with flowers and tid-bits of snacks. 
One morning he received a call from the authorities of the "Home for the Aged" saying his mother is serious and that she wants to see him.
He rushed to see his Mom who was in a critical state and with just a few hours in her hand.
He asked his Mom what can I do for you?
In this "Home for the Aged," the Mom replied, please instal fans for there are none here, at times the heat gets terribly unbearable and also have a fridge for the betterment of food because there have been several days I've slept hungry.
The baffled but sad son asked his mother, "Why didn't you ask for this all along when you were here and now with a few hours in your hand, why this request?"

The Mom replied, "it's ok dear, I've been able to manage with the heat, the hunger and the pain, but when you get old your children will send you here, I don't want you to suffer, I know you won't be able to manage, that's why." 

Today's India wants lot of Average Joes
by TSK. Raman

For us to have swachh thoughts all the time isn't really possible. Our mind is a traveller, if not a vagabond, sometimes it stumbles upon a treasure of wonderful ideas/thoughts and at other times is wastes away of useless, lousy thoughts. We are humans so we definitely can't hold on to this process, but what we can do is to fine tune our minds towards good, amicable thoughts. To accomplish this it is important for us to get more educated on the find art of living life. And when I say living I certainly do not mean the mundane 24/7/365 life, process – study, job, matrimony, family, functions, property, EMI's and eventually death.

Someday everyone of us have to meet up with out creator, then why do we make this life so boring and dull. This journey of life is only worth it, when a person has experienced life to the fullest!

The joy of lying down on the terrace (if you have the luxury of one) and looking up at the night sky that can offer a few stars to see, whatever little the haze of pollution spares for us. This to go with soft good old music of the olden days from masters like Md. Rafi, Kishore Kumar, Hemanth Kumar, Talat Mahomood, Mukesh, Lata Mangeskar, Asha Bhosle etc., which has the magic of transporting us into a totally different world, if not period.

How many of us actually lead a life that we really enjoy? 

When was the last time you walked into an art exhibition and enjoyed the art pieces on display or when is it that you walked into a music festival to enjoy the classical artists.
We behave just like machines, commercializing relationships and converting every flicker of opportunity into economic gains/financial benefits.

Let's talk now about the other area, and that of our kids.

There are dozens of schools in every square kilometer and expensive one's at that. 
The nut's and bolt's of the future are manufactured here and then transformed into masses (far more in numbers than the Chinese Factories). They are being made , I do not know with or without purpose thought, but are certainly made Engineering, Software, Electronics, IIT, IIM Medicine, Law, Civils and Business. If they fit into the moulds fine, else even God Almighty can't, because they don't really fit into any other stream or anywhere else. And like any other manufactured product that come with an expiration date these kids too, it occurs when the burden of social standards crush them to the ground leaving them devoid of any other option.

May I appeal to the parents to stop instrumenting your kids only for success, I would say, prepare them too for the failures that life will offer. If my guess is right with working parents, they hardly have anytime to teach or spend with their kids. The least best thing they could do next is to introduce them to books that will help guide them to improve knowledge and expose them to realities of life.

The India that these kids are growing in, needs more of smart average Joes endowed with abundance of common sense, who will know how to handle stress, success, failure with the same level headed-ness. Several research studies tells us that kids who indulge in at least one outdoor sport, read books, adventure travel, appreciate nature and art, grow not only as successful humans and family people but also become able administrators and professionals who will set the standards in society.

WLB
(Work-Life Balance)
by TSK. Raman

OH MY GOD - this is one of the most heard aspects in the last ten fifteen years, a thing that we didn't get to hear when we began our careers.

What has happened suddenly?

Many old timers would say everything has changed, including me at times,  mind you I am not against the progress we are making and the technologies aid this, but, it has taken a toll on us, who are the creators. What I concluded is our perceptions have changed drastically. Being grateful for our lives, our good health, our teams who makes us successful, our neighborhood, and of course our family, is one way to re-energize ourselves. The other way may be is to take frequent breaks of say 6-8 days and go traveling with once with a group of friends, then it could be old mates as far as the one's who schooled with you or went to college with you, or neighbors, or even people from the work place too. Such breaks can give you the verity and the fun you deserve, to enable you get back re-energized for another sprint at work.

Whatever you may want to do the key to happiness is the mindset of GRATITUDE.  

Being Fit. For me it has several dimensions not just being physically fit, includes, emotional and professional wellness too. For you to achieve this the first thing you should work on is your physical fitness. The best and the most recommended these days is to walk at least 10,000 steps a day (if you have a pedometer to measure goo, else  just keep counting and walking. An important aspect of keeping oneself fit is to keep your mind clear of negative emotions. One things therefore I would suggest is to listen to songs while you walk. Doing this you will feel high energy, which in itself will lead you to happiness. High energy and happiness comes mainly when you like what you do. 

The key things that will help you enjoy what you do is to fulfilling my own potential, while helping others fulfill theirs too Living my life free of comparisons, and true to myself rather than based on other people's expectations of me, and knowing I have the choices, including the choice to choose happiness. Even choices such as crisis management being a risk taker or a micro planner, learning how to handle success and failure.

Crisis management prepares me for opportunities within problems. Success is not everything but failures teach me a lot of lessons when we become despondent after the initial failures. Failures help me identify my competencies and create new upsides and success.

In conclusion I might submit introduce changes in your routine life and strike a balance.

Think About it, and I am serious

by TSK. Raman

A couple of days ago, I was driving, and the FM radio went off for few seconds. I thought, I should have an iPod. Then suddenly I realized that I have not used my iPod in last 6 months. And then, more things, Digital Camera in last 8 months, DVD player in last for the last 3 years and many more. Handy cam in last 4 years (I subsequently gifted it to my nephew). I can say consciously now, that I bought that Handy cam just out of impulse, which I used just six times only as long as it was with me. 

So, what's wrong and where?

When I look at myself or my friends I can see it everywhere. We are not happy with what we have but all are stressed and not happy for the things we don't have. I have a i10, but want a Honda City; Some one else has a Honda City, but wants a Skoda. Just after buying a new smart phone, we need another one. Better laptop, bigger TV, faster car, bigger house, more money, and I mean, these examples are endless.

The point is, is it actually worth it ?

Do we ever think if we actually need those things before we want them?

After this, I was forced to think what I need and what I don't. May be I didn't need the Handy cam or the iPod or that DVD player.

When I see my uncle back in his beautiful home, in Kerala, I envy him. He has a simple BPL colour TV, he doesn't need 32" Sony LCD wall mount. He has a cell phone worth Rs 1,000.00. Whenever I ask him to change the phone, he always says, "It’s a phone; I need this just for calls." And believe me; he is much happier in life than me with those limited resources and simple gadgets. The very basic reason why he is happy with so little is that he doesn't want things in life to make it luxurious, but he wants only those things which are making his life easier. It's a very fine line between these two, but after looking at my uncle's life style closely, I got the point. He needs a cell phone but not the iPhone. 

He needs a TV but not the 32" plasma. He needs a car but not an expensive one. 

Initially I had lot of questions. I am earning good; still I am not happy...why? 

I have all luxuries; still I am stressed.... why ? 

I had a great weekend, still I am feeling tired.....why?

I met lot of people, I thought over it again and again, I still don't know if I got the answers, but certainly figured out few things. I realize that one thing which is keeping me stressed is the "stay connected" syndrome. I realized that, at home also I am logged in on messengers, checking mails, using social networks, and on the top of that, the windows mobile is not letting me disconnected. On the weekend itself, trying to avoid unwanted calls and that is keeping my mind always full of stress.

I realized that I am spending far lesser money than what I earn; even then I am always worried about money and more money.

I realized that I am saving enough money I would ever need, whenever needed. Still I am stressed about job and salary and spend.

May be, many people will call this approach "not progressive attitude", but I want my life back.

Ultimately it's a single life, a day gone is a day gone. I believe if I am not happy tonight, I'll never be happy tomorrow morning.

I finally realized that meeting friends, spending quality time with your loved one's; spending time with yourself is the most important thing.

If on Sunday you are alone and you don't have anybody to talk with, then all that luxuries in life, all that money is wasted.

May be cutting down your requirements, re-calculating your future goal in the light of today's happiness is a worthwhile thing to do.

May be selling off your i10 and buying a Honda City on EMIs is not a good idea. I believe putting your happiness ahead of money is the choice we need to make.

I think, a lot can be said and done but what we need the most is re-evaluation of the value of happiness and time we are giving to our life and people associated with it

Think about it!

Thriving in Chaos 

by TSK. Raman

Thriving in Chaos - was a book by Tom Peters, called : Handbook for a Management Revolution. This book was first published in 1987 and the edition I read published in 1989, however the content remains just as appropriate as it is today.

This is the crux

1. Re-frame your thoughts. 
Actions and emotions are the result of one’s thoughts, so the second
a negative thought enters your mind, push it out and replace it with a positive one. One way to let go of a negative thought is to label it.
How you see a problem may just be the problem, so by re-framing your thoughts you can see old challenges in a new light.

2. Speak to the positive. 
Eliminate contractions from your vocabulary. Instead of saying, “I don’t want to go to [dinner]” try, “I would rather eat dinner at home.” This exercise helps your brain constantly look for the positive in everything. After all, nobody wants to be the “Negative Guy/Gal.”
3. Take the 30-day challenge.
Every day for thirty days, write down three things you’re grateful for. That’s it. Sounds pretty easy, right? The only catch is this: there can be no repeats. So, if you’re thankful for your cat who doesn't cough up hairballs all over the place, find something else to be grateful about regarding little kitty next time. Studies show that for a habits to take effect requires roughly three weeks of consistent repetition. The purpose of this exercise is similar to number two above, where you train your brain to look for the smallest glimmer of positive in everything because, believe it or not, the 30-day challenge is not easy. You will find it gradually more difficult to generate new ideas every day.

4. Give yourself a mental boost.
Set small goals for yourself that allows you to feel a sense of achievement. Never quit during an evolution, since that's when motivation is at a low point already (similar to not going shopping at the grocery store while hungry). When you set a goal, no matter how large or small, it provides a sense of victory that helps boost your self-efficacy, thus creating a spiral of motivation leading you to set larger, more aspiration goals.

5. Socialize. 
Surround yourself with like-minded individuals because the old saying that “misery loves company” is true. Strong relationships can fill the gap where stress is concerned and help people perceive situations as less stressful to begin with. Additionally, personal connections lower cortisol levels—a hormone in the brain related to stress—which means you can recover faster from work-related stress and thus better inoculate yourself towards such stressors in the future.

I wonder if Raja Mouli of 'EEGA' fame will get to read this version of mine.

This morning I scripted a small story, my version of "Thrive in Chaos".

It's a simple one with of course lessons available for the learner and the story goes like this
At the edge of a forest a cow was grazing and while it snorted it blew the ants into the air. Just then a strong gust of wind blew the ants right onto a bee-hive. The ever busy swarming bees, sensitive and reactive as they are, got disturbed and took to their wings in a state of utter "chaos."
They left their work and the hive and took to flight. They saw a fox and went after it. The fox realized the bees had taken to it's tail, started running deep into the forest. They went some distance before the bees saw a tiger, so they left the fox for the tiger. The tiger began to run and it went further deeper into the forest. This too went on for a while and a distance till the bees saw a lion. They left the tiger for the lion. The lion began to run, and this too went on for a while and distance till the bees hit a wall. It wasn't a wall actually was an elephant. cool as it was the elephant started going forward with some pace till it got to a river and dived straight in. Accustomed as it can stay under water for long spells of time, the bees which were swirling over the water didn't know what to do thereon and next, got frustrated. They got to the nearer side of the river bank and tried to regroup themselves on a tree, but just couldn't as they got very tired. They had even lost their sting and started falling down dead in heaps, thus became a "bonus" stock for ants as it was more than they expected storing for the approaching winter.

Simple as the story stands, the lessons it leaves us with are
1. Do not be reactive whatever the situation
2. Do not lost 'focus" of your job on hand
3. You plot your own downfall when you lose the sense of your reasoning
4. Know your purpose in life

River and time will flow by just once. Learn to use both of them well to make the best for yourself.
A nice colony of bees gives us "honey" only when they stick together and each does it's bit to make our lives "sweet."

Motivation Starts With You

TSK. Raman

"Fear does not have any special power unless you empower it by submitting to it."

Les Brown, Author and Speaker

. . .Why are you continuing to be in your job? 
Why are you continuing to be involved in the day-to-day activities that fill your life? 
The honest answer to the question Why? is also the answer to your personal motivation. 
This is not motivation that has been imposed upon you by anyone else; it's your personal motivation. One of the early success writers suggested that we take the word motivation and make a slash between the v and the a--and if you've got just a little bit of imagination, you can see two words. The word on the left is motive, and the word on the right is action. People who are motivated have a motive: they have a reason, a purpose, or a cause. And then they take action on that reason, purpose or cause. 

I wonder if you can recall the story of Ekkalavya who wanted to learn the art of archery and he went to the universal Guru Dronacharya. Coming from very poor stocks and for want of any decent background, Ekalavya was rejected. Despite this he was so charged and motivated that he made a statue of Guru Dronacharya and practiced the art relentlessy. Eventually he mastered it to such an extent that he silenced a barking do with a flurry of arrows without spilling a drop of blood. The dog incidentally was accompanying the Pandava princes and their Guru. Amazed by such a feat they went to see who the performer was. No one reconized him, and it was Ekkalavya who reminded the Guru of his meeting and subsequent rejection. The Guru was moved beyond words. Though, Ekklavya paid a price for his mastery and his honesty, the lesson we can take from this is his self motivation.

Question: Have you given it any thought at all? 

If we want to motivate other people, we have got to find out what their reason, purpose, or cause is. People are not going to be motivated for your reasons. They are going to be motivated for their own reasons. We must understand that everyone listens to the same radio station. It's called WII-FM and the call letters stand for What's In It For Me? If you want to motivate others, this is the information you need to share. You've got to find out their motive, reason and cause, and then encourage them to take action. But before you do that check to see how motivated you are yourself.