The 17 Habits of People Who Change the World (aka The Live Your Legend Operating Manifesto)

by Scott Dinsmore August 3, 2011

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect." - Mark Twain

Now let’s get into today’s action:

In case you haven’t noticed yet, I believe in taking the road less traveled. I believe it will always make all the difference. It certainly has so far…

Legends spend their time putting their unique dent in the world. But how did they get there? What do they do differently than the rest of the world?

Their stories can blow my mind but the habits and beliefs that got them there are where the real magic is.

In a word they simply do things differently.

Over nearly the past decade, I’ve made a deep study of the tenets that guide their actions. Those same beliefs now guide all of mine. Over the coming months we will examine, test and experience them in deep detail. For now let’s start with the road map. If we are going to change the world by doing work we love, then the below are requirements.

I call them a way of life.

These are our guiding principles – an Operating Manifesto of sorts.

They make up the foundation of Live Your Legend. They’re the beliefs that guide every Living Legend I’ve met.

Make them your own and watch what happens.

Note: This is meant to be a reference piece going forward. With almost every habit below I’ve included links to an article or two I’ve written on the subject. I hope you’ll spend some serious time with this. I want you to fully understand our foundation for why we do what we do here. Enjoy.

The 17 Habits of People Who Change the World (aka The Live Your Legend Operating Manifesto)

1. Try new things. Constantly experiment with new people, jobs, projects and experiences. See what sticks. Without experiments we’ll never learn anything. Without learning, we’ll get nowhere. Consider your life a series of experiments- big and small. Always be testing. Live outside your comfort zone and don’t underestimate the importance of being a beginner.

2. Measure against your own standards, not others. All of us have different definitions of success and goals that likely have nothing to do with those around us. So stop comparing to others. It’s almost surely apples to oranges and you’ll either feel overly confident or overly disappointed. Either way it’s less than useful. You are your own comparison. Define your success and own it.

3. Know who you are. The better you know yourself the more likely you are to do work that matters. Simple as that. Study your strengths, know your weaknesses, identify your values, define your success, learn the things that excite and those that terrify you. Take all the tests and evaluations you can find. Begin to live a life congruent with your values, strengths and purpose and you’ll never look back. But do things for the wrong reasons and there’ll be nothing but disappointment. Kind of like how business school killed the entrepreneur. No sleepwalking allowed!

4. Learn from those around you. Every interaction is a chance to either learn what fires you up or what makes you want to put a wet finger in a light socket. Knowing one is just as crucial as knowing the other. Embrace your surroundings. Observe closely.

5. Realize you’re already free. Freedom doesn’t come from huge financial achievement or the ability to live in some little hut over a Tahitian lagoon. Go out and survey the average guy rolling in cash and I bet you’ll find them to feel a lot less free than you think. Freedom in it’s purest form is the ability to choose the way we interpret what happens to us. We can either see life’s occurrences, good or bad, as reasons to pursue what matters or excuses to sit on our ass. The choice is yours. All the freedom you’ll ever need is already here. Start acting like it.

6. Assume there’s another way. Don’t take things for granted just because everyone else does. That’s usually the best reason to stop listening (see Mark Twain quote at top). None of you are here for average. If you do what everyone else does, that’s all you’ll get. Constantly ask how else could things be done. Ask why.

7. Believe in what you do. If you don’t have a deep emotional reason for doing the work you do, you’ll likely never do what matters. Know your beliefs. Why do you care so much about the things you do? Nothing big happens without the right reasons. Does what you’re doing actually matter? If you can’t put your heart into it, then get yourself out of it.

8. Constantly seek adventure and explore. Nothing adds more clarity to most of life’s confusions than seeing new things. Get out and explore foreign worlds. Spending too much time in one environment makes us feel like that’s the only way. I assure you it’s not. Notice how different cultures do things differently.

Some of my most defining moments have come from the top of a camel in the Sahara Desert, attempting to run a business in Spain, ordering lunch in a mountain town in Oman, navigating a rental car up the coast of Croatia with my wife or discovering Patagonia with a fly rod. Whether it’s seeing a town across the world or across your state, adventure has to be a priority. Your mind will never be the same.

9. Be authentic. The world is run off personal connections. No one wants to connect with someone who’s fake. Know who you are and aren’t and be open with those around you. People’s B.S. meters are much too high for anything else. Make genuine connections. Be vulnerable and begin creating rapport with anyone.

10. Be a constant learner. Commit to going to bed each day at least slightly wiser than when you woke up. The results will add up. Learn like crazy. Read books, take courses, work with experts, do it all. Do nothing but this and I guarantee you’ll do work that lights you on fire.

11. Pick your surroundings wisely. This is the holy grail. The people around you create who you are. If they inspire you, you’ll be inspired. If they depress you, you’ll be depressed. Those around you absolutely must dream as big or bigger and have as much passion or more than you do.

There’s no time for those who don’t support doing the things that matter to you and the world.

Get rid of the doubters and don’t let the empowering ones leave your sight.

Rule #1: Surround yourself with passionate people. Nothing is more powerful.
"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." – Jim Rohn

12. Focus on the process, not the outcome. Stop worrying about getting there. You never will anyway. All the fun is along the trail next to you. It’s impossible to enjoy it if you’re dazed by the blurry horizon that never actually gets any closer. Embrace persistence. Learn to love the process and everything becomes epic.

13. Welcome change. How else are you going to get to where you want to be? Change is going to happen no matter what, so you might as well get used to it. Adopt these beliefs and you can be sure the change to come is for the better.

14. Model excellence. For just about every goal someone has, there is likely at least a handfull of people who’ve already done it. Don’t reinvent the wheel if you don’t have to. Find the people who live the life you want to live. The one’s who’ve experienced the dreams you’ve always had.

Warren Buffett is my model for my investment business, Leo Babauta is my blogging guru, Tim Ferriss keeps lifestyle design close in mind and my family reminds me of what I want to build with my wife.

Find models for everything. Take note of the good and the bad. Adopt the former and drop the latter. With the right model’s you can do anything.

15. Test what’s possible. We are capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for. Most things are not as impossible as we think. The only way to find out is to try. This is as important physically as it is with business. When we start to do things we didn’t used to think were possible, the new found confidence transfers to all kind of other parts of life. If you just pushed yourself over the finish line of your first marathon (or 5k for that matter) then why couldn’t you also find a way to double your business’s sales next year?

My most powerful experience with this was when I gave a shot at my first barefoot ultra-marathon last year. If something seems impossible to you, find those who have done it, learn from them and try it. You’ll start to impress yourself. Then watch out. Go on and do something impossible.

16. Take notes. Life is not meant to be passive. Keep a file, notebook, journal or blog of all you learn and experience along the way. The things that fire you up, the things that scare you, the lessons, the people, the huge dreams you have, all of it. The more we can get things out of our head the more likely we can make them reality. Have a weekly or daily routine. Record all you can.

17. Act on what you learn. None of the above matters if you don’t get out and actually do something with it. It’s not just about finishing a book, reading a blog post or having a chat with a wild new person. The magic doesn’t happen in the learning. It happens in the action you take as a result.

Learning is an important step, but it’s still just the first one. Everything we do at Live Your Legend comes back to this. When in doubt, do something. Anything. You have to start.

Habits define outcomes. These are the habits that separate the legends from the rest of the world. Practice these daily. Make them routine. They are the foundation of what’s to come. Get them right and the outcomes will start to blow your mind. There is no more later. It’s time to get rolling.

　

The 32 Lessons that Made All the Difference in 2011

(& some I might not want to repeat)

by Scott Dinsmore

"Making a mistake once is called learning. Making it twice means you’re not learning." ~ William Brett Wilson

　

As far as I’m concerned, life is about learning and helping…

The more you can do the former, the better prepared you are to accomplish the latter. We all learn things every day. The problem is we also forget the great majority of what we learn, sometimes just moments after learning it. In order to avoid that and give today a chance at building on yesterday, you have to have a process for learning things once (and for all).

After all, the first time you learn something, it’s experience, but the second time it’s foolish.

As a part of my weekly planning (one step in my goal setting process), I write down any lessons I learned from the past week, either from my own experiences or that of others.

Below is the list of the top 2011 lessons from an initial list of hundreds.

They cover business, life, relationships, travel and just about everything else under the sun.

These have made all the difference for me – I hope they will for you too.

32 Massive Lessons from 2011:

Tolerable discomfort is the most dangerous in the world—make the pain enough to change. This is exactly what keeps people in jobs they hate – for the rest of their life.

Focus on different as opposed to better. You will likely never be the best at something, but there’s always a way to be different. Just takes more creativity.

Condition yourself to see failure as feedback—you have to get your ass handed to you to be good at just about anything. Everything is progress.

Most people are workaholics because they’ve lost their fun non-work activities. If you have nothing you are excited to do on the nights and weekends, then what’s going to keep you from checking email and spinning your tires all Saturday (and every other day)? You need motivation to get out of the grind.

Pick 5 books to reread every year instead of 50 new ones. We all have books that changed us more than others. Apply the 80/20 Rule to your reading. This is how I’m focusing my reading this year.

Persistence changes everything. Most people give up before they give themselves a chance. You’re in control of when you give up. It’s like the 71 "No’s" that Jesse Jacobs got before a bank finally approved a loan for him to open Samovar Tea Lounge in San Francisco.

Having airline miles makes continuous travel much more likely than paying with cash. Many people hate on airline miles programs because they can sometimes be a pain in the ass to use (and sometimes they are). They say they’d much rather just pay cash and save money another way. The problem is I know hundreds of people with plenty of money to buy a trip to the other side of the world but never get to it. Miles expire if you don’t use them – they encourage you to get off your ass. That’s a good thing (and it’s pretty fun).

I get stress even from a moment of rushing. The second I’m in a hurry, stress hits my body. Doing things slowing is almost always more enjoyable.

Be willing to lose ideas if you’re in a moment you want to savor. With how many things I write down each day, I don’t think I’ll ever be short on ideas. Sometimes writing things down the second they come to mind, will kill your presence. If it’s important enough, it will come back to you.

At the end of a sale, the buyer says "thank you". Remember that when you’re scared to ask a prospect to do something you know will help them. Does a doctor feel badly about recommending a life-saving surgery? I doubt it.

When meeting someone, lead with an open vulnerable story about yourself. This connects much better than the typical cocky approach of puffing your chest out and talking about all the awesome things you’ve done. Show the world you’re human.

Metaphors are incredibly powerful to your story and getting points across. Don’t explain anything directly. Find a story or metaphor for everything. People will engage, listen, connect and remember more than ever before. PurposeFinder Jullien Gordon does an awesome job of this.

Your story is more powerful than anything. There is nothing more important for you to develop and communicate. We all have an interesting story. Many of us just don’t spend the time developing it. If yours still sounds boring, go out and doing something interesting!

Build anticipation – for you and for everyone. Whether you’re launching a product or starting a new fitness regime, don’t start the day you think of it. Build momentum and excitement for a couple weeks, if not longer. The launch of Live Off Your Passion started over two months before it went live. I plan most fitness challenges a month in advance. I love looking forward to it and thinking of how hard I’m going to hit it once day 1 comes around.

Don’t worry about what’s difficult today. Tomorrow will be here faster than you want. Just put your head down and do good work.

Anytime you feel uncomfortable or out of place at an event or gathering, go up and greet someone. Don’t just sit around hoping someone will do the same to you. You’ll meet 10x more people.

You must find the one or two things that really matter on your blog and and simplify to focus only on that. This goes for any business. 80/20 and Simplicity are a powerful combination.

The questions are not how or if you can do it. By now we should all know it’s possible – there are examples everywhere. The question is what will you do and when? Get started.

Plan too much and you won’t end up having time for the things you care about happening spontaneously. Excitement and surprise need space to thrive.

I will never get it all done. I am finally ok with this fact. If I plan too much in a day, I will never be satisfied with the things I actually get done. Once again, plan less.

If I schedule too many back to back events and trips, I stop getting excited for each of them individually. Noticing a trend here? Events can be amazing and fun on their own, but stack eight of them back to back and nothing’s fun anymore.

Diversifying emotions is key. Having two businesses and other interests has helped tremendously when things go wrong with any one area. Say the stock market has a terrible week (which I can’t control, but can sometimes still affect emotions), but I also had a hugely effective coaching session with a client. I still get to feel awesome and empowered. And even when things are bad at work, you can always go home and run a bit farther or lift a little more weight. That will keep the momentum going. Don’t put all your emotional eggs in one basket.

Don’t always check email just because you have free time. It’s liberating to just pick up a book and enjoy. Start filling your time with meaningful things. If you don’t then the meaningless will take over.

It’s never that big of a deal. Everything that goes wrong usually feels like the end of the world when it happens. But give it a few hours or days (or sometimes just a few seconds) and you realize life goes on and everything’s usually fine. No single thing is usually that big of a deal. Act that way.

Things always take longer than expected. Don’t be disappointed when it happens. Try to plan for it but realize it will still likely take longer. That’s ok. The best stuff takes time.

Everyone loves gifts. It doesn’t matter if it costs five cents or five hundred dollars, the emotion of getting something is still about the same. Give people gifts, prizes, books or anything at all. This goes for friends, family, customers and business partners. Not to mention, "giver’s high" is even better.

FOCUS is the most powerful skill in the world. Stop distracting yourself. Know the top 1-3 most important things to you and put everything else on a list for later.

Preparation trumps everything. There is no excuse to show up and not be ready for something. That’s in your control and it’s often the easiest way to beat an opponent. We used to run stairs for hours on end in the weeks leading up to Jiu-Jitsu tournaments. Then we’d get on the mat and often be able to beat our opponent on endurance alone. It takes massive discipline to be truly prepared.

Preparation creates confidence! That is priceless.

A product can change everything. It changes credibility, the number of people who want to work with you, your ability to turn a side project into a full-blown business and most importantly, your ability to help people. That’s exactly what Live Off Your Passion did for me (and everyone who’s participated). Mentors had told me this for nearly two years, but I didn’t get around to do it until three two ago. I wish I did it earlier. It’s opened up a whole new world.

Have non-working hours. The biggest blessing and also the biggest curse of entrepreneurship (especially online) is that you can do it anywhere and any time. But that does NOT mean you should. Block off hours where the computer or internet is not allowed. Have a designated ‘office’ (that ideally is not your home). Even if it’s just a coffee shop. The separation is crucial.

Anything is possible with the right motivation. 80% of what I do on a daily basis today are things I used to think were impossible. I bet I’ll be able to say the same in five or ten years. Find compelling reasons to push the limits.

And finally I’ll leave you with my favorite quote of 2011 by Gary Vaynerchuck, uber-successful wine and media entrepreneur, bestselling author of Crush It and The Thank You Economy, and also the most crazy passionate (and a ‘tad’ vulgar) public speaker you will likely every see.

We spent some time together on the Summit Series boat last year, and this quote has stuck with me constantly since then…

　

29 Reasons Stopping You Moving Forward

by Steven Aitchison

Today I want to share some of the truths I have learned over the years that have stopped me moving forward in life.

Do any of these ring true for you?

Perfection – Perfection does not exist. If you accept that everything can be improved upon then perfection cannot exist. Give up the concept of being perfect and get on with your life as best you can.

Waiting for the right time – The right time is now, why put it off. If you’ve been waiting for the right time for something and haven’t taken action yet, it’s going to be difficult to start.

Being stuck in the past – If you focus on the past, you stay in the past. Moving forward is about acknowledging the past, but gently let the invisible cord of the past go, and move toward a better future.

Lying to yourself – Honesty with yourself and others will do wonders for moving you forward in life. Start with yourself and be as honest as possible about who you are, what you’re doing and where you’re going. If you’ve been a bit of an arse, admit it, and resolve to change.

Staying on the ‘Poor me’ train – The ‘Poor Me’ train never reaches it’s destination, because there is no destination, it’s just a train full of whiners and moaners. Jump off at the next station and resolve never to go back on the ‘Poor me’ train again.

Befriending the vampires – Vampires suck the life force out of you. It’s those people who bitch, moan, complain and generally suck the energy out of you. Drop them as quickly as possible, if you can’t drop them avoid them as much as possible.

Keeping a tight comfort zone – If you’ve got a tight comfort zone then you’re not pushing yourself hard enough. Push the boundaries of your comfort zone little, and as often as you can. If you only do things you feel comfortable doing you will stop growing, mentally, emotionally and intellectually.

Saying ‘I can’t do that’ – As soon as you utter this phrase your brain will take it as fact that you cannot do it, and give up trying to look for a solution. If you replace ‘I can’t’ with ‘I’m getting better….’, your brain will re-engage with you to look for ways to help you become better at something.

Comparing yourself to others – when you compare yourself to others you will ultimately fail. If you work on exceeding your own expectations you will fair much better in life.

Moaning – we seem to live in a world of moaners, and it’s easy to get caught up in it. Make it a point to only moan if you’re going to take action on what you’re moaning about, which should help cut down 99% of your moaning.

Multi tasking – Multi tasking is not possible, period! Or rather you can multi task, but because you can’t multitask and give 100% to each activity it’s impossible to do something well without giving it your full attention.

Asking ‘Why’ questions – A lot of the questions we ask ourselves are: Why does this happen to me, why can’t I do that, why is he better than me. Most why questions cause you to focus on the past and gives your brain a reason to look for reasons why you can’t do something. Instead you could ask ‘How’ questions, which are outcome oriented: How can I become better at that, how can I become the best I can be.

Trying to be in the circle – People in the circle want to be the same and conform into a group. You’ve got around 70 years on this earth, spend it finding yourself and break free from the crowd, or at least find yourself and decide if you want to break free from the crowd or not.

Not spending enough time with yourself – When was the last time you spent time alone and really loved it? Being happy with your own company is a good indicator of getting the right balance in life, as long as you’re not alone all day every day

Trying for the quick fix – Get rich quick, Lose weight fast, build up muscle quickly. Going for the quick fix in anything, usually doesn’t work in the long run. Anything worth doing, is worth taking the time to enjoy the journey of achieving.

Being a control freak – Another thing that is impossible to do is to control life. Life has a tendency to twist and turn when least expected. Planning ahead is good, but trying to control what’s in front of you can only lead to frustration.

Thinking you never have any luck – Samuel Goldwyn said ‘The harder I work, the luckier I get.’ Luck comes to those who put themselves in the path of it, to do that you must get out there and be the best you can be.

Watching the news – watching the news only perpetuates, in your mind, that the world is a bad place. The world is an amazing place with some bad people in it. If you watch the news you’d think every second person is a murderer, rapist or paedophile.

Wishing well thinking – It’s great to wish for things in your life, and sometimes it can be a nice daydream to dream of winning the lottery, but if you are banking on your wishes coming true, you’re not going to go far. Better to have wishes and work toward them than sitting around wishing.

Thinking the world owes you – Nobody, nothing or anything owes you a favour in life. We all have to take action toward the things we would like in life, it’s not coming to knock on your door.

Watching TV – TV is another energy drainer unless used for educational purposes. Watching soaps and reality TV actually gets you emotionally involved in someone else’s life, even though, in the case of soaps, they are fictitious. You’re essentially giving away your energy to a box in the corner of the living room.

Blaming others – There’s are always others who hurt us, physically, mentally and emotionally, but blaming them for not moving on with life will stunt your growth, emotionally and mentally. Accept that some people in your life have hurt you, and let them go mentally.

Not deciding what to do in life – A lot of people are unhappy in their jobs, not because they can’t get the job they want, but because they don’t know what job they want. Decide what you truly, madly, passionately, want to do with your life and start taking small steps to get there.

Not finding a reason to smile – We all have reasons to be grateful in our life, even if it’s just for the fact that you have access to a computer to read this post. Counting your blessings daily is a great exercise to improve the quality of your life.

Chasing others – If someone truly wants to be a part of your life they will make the effort to do so. You don’t need to chase someone to be in your life, and waste energy trying to do so.

Giving up too quickly – If you fail at something, learn from it and try again, if you fail again, learn some more and try again, if you fail again, learn some more……………

Not taking risks – Life is inherently risky and you’ve made it this far. Risk more in your life, as the rewards will far outweigh the thought of never having risked at all.

Not forgiving yourself - There’s not a single person on this planet that has not made mistakes in their life. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and free up your emotional energy for the things that matter.

Not enjoying the little things in life – Stop for a while to enjoy the little things in life, 30 years from now those little things will mean everything.

I hope you enjoyed this article. If you have anything to add, just add a comment below and share your thoughts.

End Procrastination and Start Living

by Steven Aitchison

Procrastination is a funny thing
It only brings me sorrow
But I can change at any time
I think I will ... tomorrow
~ Author unknown

Each of us engages in an on-going discussion with ourselves that takes the shape and form of a sort of dialogue that plays out as we interact with people, confront perceived deficiencies within or are confronted by internal or external challenges.

The nature of that dialogue matters profoundly to our happiness.

If your inner dialogue was transcribed, what would the transcript read like? Would you feel good about others reading it?

What do you say to yourself when things get difficult, when you stumble or fall? Are the words you say to yourself uplifting and encouraging? Or is the inner dialogue negative and pessimistic, plagued with doubt, fear and self-condemnation?

The way you speak to yourself in the intimacy of your thoughts has an impact on how and when and if you actively work to make your dreams a reality.

Does your inner dialogue sound more like this?

"Wait! Stop! You can't do it! It's a dumb idea! You've never done anything like it before! Just go home! Give up! Give in! Don't try. You'll only embarrass yourself. Go back to bed. Turn on the TV. Take a nap. And just quit."

Or this?

"It's okay. It's not that bad. Keep at it. At least I've learned what NOT to do next time! This is a great idea, just needs some refining. What can I do differently? What can I learn from it?"


The difference between the two attitudes is profound in its effect on the pursuit of your goals. What you repeatedly say to yourself creates mental roadblocks and obstacles to taking action toward your dreams. Procrastination becomes easier, more likely and more permanent.

But positive self-talk will free you and lift you and motivate and excite and encourage you to proactively take steps toward the life you want to live. It keeps you wading through swamps of challenge and climbing mountains of hardship and crossing deserts of difficulty in the pursuit of your dreams.

Changing the habitual language of your internal dialogue can be difficult, but it's also a key to overcoming procrastination.

We are so conditioned to believe we are average, normal, a replaceable spoke in the wheel of life. We're nothing spectacular, we tell ourselves. We're not one of "those" people who succeed or do great things or climb to the highest peaks of life.

And so we become our worst enemies, self-limiting, self-crippling, self-undermining.

But it doesn't have to be that way. We can reject the limited, obscured and inaccurate version of ourselves and replace it with something much more exalted and accurate.

It may be that your amazing life hasn't yet been realized. But it's there. Inside you. Ready to come out. Wanting to come out. Paused at the doorstep of something special, waiting while we fumble around for the keys to unlock the door of our potential.

The reality is that we are endowed with the spark of greatness. There is no limit to what we can accomplish. There is no limit to what YOU can accomplish. Except for the limits we impose on ourselves.

Procrastination is little more than the negative talk inside made manifest outside. It's the fear and laziness and doubt that softens the ground around you, making it difficult to get traction and move forward.

What is it that you've always wanted to do but didn't believe you were smart enough or good enough or kind enough or strong enough or good enough to accomplish?

It's time. Today. Now. Believe you can. Change the conversation in your head. And begin taking the necessary steps toward the life you yearn to live.

"Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved." ~ William Jennings Bryan

You see, we have two choices in life, two general attitudes we can choose to harbor:

1) Wait and see.
2) Go and get.

The first is passive. We wait for life to lay its gifts on our laps. It sometimes does. It usually doesn't. We end up the passive recipient, waiting for life to produce.

The second attitude is proactive. We get off your butts and choose what we want from life and then go to work to get it. We don't always get what we aim for.

But we stretch ourselves in the process and end up a little bigger, a little taller, a little better than we were before.

And that is the better gift.

How to say 'No' and still be a nice guy

Many times in our daily lives, we face situations, where we should say "no" to a request. However, we find it to be a very difficult thing to do.

We are afraid to think what others are saying if we decline. We might also think that saying "no" will hurt our relationship with that other person – permanently.

In most of the cases, those fears are unnecessary. They are just our imagination and in reality, nothing scary will happen, if we turn a request down.

Why you should decline from a request

There are many reasons why you should decline to do something, if you are being asked to.

• Increased productivity
Saying "no" will increase your productivity, because you are not accepting any new work that would possibly distract you. Also, you are able to focus to your current tasks better, which ensures that they get done.

• Keep the deadlines
You are much more likely to keep your deadlines if you say "no".

For example, if you are about to deliver some work to a client, you want to keep the agreed deadlines. Saying "yes" to an external request might potentially increase your workload so much, that you don’t have enough capability of handling all the work in time.

• You are in control of your life
If you have difficulties of saying "no", then in the worst case others may take advantage of your kindness.

However, if you decide to say "no", you are in control your life – not others. You decide what task to accept, what meetings to attend or what activities to participate on your free-time.

• You are true to your core values
We all have core values that we live our life by. For example, honesty is one of those values that is very important for me. That’s why I would find difficult to commit to an activity, which requires me to lie.

Your inner voice will most likely advice you to say "no", whenever your values are going to be violated.

• Less stress
Closely related to productivity, saying "no" is also one way of decreasing your stress levels. When you are not overloaded with work and tight schedules, you have much less stress to handle.

That in turn affects positively to your well-being and happiness.

The right way to decline

Now that you learned about the benefits of saying "no", you should also understand the different ways of saying "no" the right way.

These are the ways I have used myself. Although I’m not saying that declining becomes effortless by applying these tips, it still becomes easier.

1. Evaluate the situation
When someone comes to you and asks you to do something, you have to evaluate the situation first.

Obviously, if the situation is critical and the other person is depending on your help (for example in a traffic accident), then it is natural to answer "yes".

However, in normal, everyday situations the request is most likely much less severe (your colleague asks you to come for a drink after work), so you have both the options "yes" and "no" at your disposal.

Also, you most likely have more time to come up with a justification why you are going to say "no".

2. Be discreet, but firm
I tend to start my "no" answer in the form of "Unfortunately I’m unable to …" and then follow with the justification, why I’m not able to fulfill the request.

The main point here is to say "no" in a polite, but firm manner. Some people are very rude in their replies when they decline and that kind of behavior leaves me cold every time.

Although in those cases the message (denial) comes very clear, I still prefer the softer and more polite way of saying things.

3. Say your opinion clearly enough
Truly mean what you say. Your answer should be a definite "no", not a "maybe". Don’t leave other people wondering what you mean by your answer.

Say your answer in a clear and loud enough manner, so that the other person understands your point at once.

4. Be honest
When you say "no", be honest with your reasonings. Don’t make up reasons why you are not willing to fulfill the request. When you are caught lying, it is embarrassing to yourself.

Also, if the other person happens to be your colleague or friend that you lied to, it will have negative consequences to your relationships.

5. Be selfish
This last point is perhaps the most important one when it comes to saying "no". The thing is that

if the other person has a right to present you a request, you have the equal right to say "no" as an answer.

Also, you should also reflect your own situation to that request before you answer; Are you willing to fully commit to it, does it fit to your schedules and are you capable of handling the request in the first place.

Conclusion

I try to keep these tips and techniques as my guidelines when I evaluate a request – and when I decide to say "no".

It is understandable, that saying "no" is not the easiest thing to do at times. But at the same time, if you are polite and honest, it is much easier this way.

However, this doesn’t mean that I’m saying "no" all the time. In fact, sometimes you have to say "yes" as an answer. This depends of course from the situation you are in.

By carefully evaluating the situation first before answering, is the right way to move on in that that scenario.

What Do You Stand For?

By Ken Wer

"Let my name stand among those who are willing to bear ridicule and reproach for the truth’s sake, and so earn some right to rejoice when the victory is won." ~ Louisa May Alcott

There comes a time in each of our lives when we must decide who we are and what we stand for.

Truth is, we are called to take that stand each and every time there’s a choice to be made between doing what’s right in the moment, despite our fear and insecurities or the possibility of public scorn and following the crowd into the lukewarm waters of moral mediocrity and self-defeatism.

Each of these decisions becomes the brick and mortar of the rest of our lives that either creates a foundation strong enough to build a life that is amazing, beautiful, passionate and powerful or does not.

So what do you stand for?

Stand for Something Worth Standing for

Stand for Compassion

"If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one." ~ Mother Teresa

We are limited to the number of people we touch and inspire and lift and bless in this life by the degree to which we keep our hands in our own pockets and fail to reach out to those in need.

A no-brainer, right?

But then how many times have you had the opportunity to reach out to someone in need and you didn’t? In my own life, I can’t count them. I wish I could, but the number would be too high. Still, I’m not suggesting we sell all our possessions and spend all our lives serving the poor.

But there are causes in need of trumpeting. There are people, perhaps in your own family or neighborhood, who need a shoulder, a smile, a word of encouragement.

There are people who are just one visit, one phone call, one note, email or text away from finally feeling loved, accepted, appreciated, like they truly matter.

When was the last time you made that visit, placed that call or wrote that note of appreciation?

"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity." ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Don’t get me wrong, I know we have good hearts and good intentions, but when push comes to shove, do we sit and wait for the next person to do what’s needed to help, to bless, and serve or do we step up to the plate and do our part?

We can be such resources for good in the world, if we’re willing.

Perhaps the most important service we can render will be changes instigated in our own backyards and neighborhoods – with a friend going through a divorce, an elderly neighbor struggling to cope with the loss of her husband, a next door neighbor who can no longer push the lawn mower or take out the trash, a son or daughter struggling with their identity.

It will be by reaching out to individuals, one person at a time, loving them and lifting them and serving them, that we can most profoundly change lives and add meaning and purpose and happiness to our lives.

So smile at those who need a smile. Hug those who need a hug. Befriend those who need a friend. Talk to those who need to talk. Be the shoulder, the arm, the muscle, the heart that others will need from time to time as we all stumble through life together.

You’ll soon find that as you give, oh so much more will be received.

Stand for Truth

"Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare the truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare." ~ Voltaire

Are your values the shadows cast by other people’s standards? Does your character change with the seasons, or the crowd, or your mood? Are your standards more like a costume you wear when the occasion calls for it, then discarded when something better comes along? In other words, is your moral core made of such pliable stuff, that it’s easily squeezed into any shape or form?

Well, it’s time to take a stand! We can’t respect ourselves when we have no core worthy of our respect. If our core is no more than drift wood floating on the sea of societal norms and pop culture, or worse, of expediency, then truly there is nothing we can stand on. Only if you’re anchored to something fixed and solid can you build something tall and magnificent. So anchor yourself to universal principles and fundamental truths. There’s nothing more solid than that.

Standing for something means centering yourself on timeless principles. It means committing to live by those principles. It means leaving the crowd whenever they stray from those standards. That bedrock of core principles will return a sense of self-respect to the image in the mirror over time as they are applied, internalized and expressed as a natural extension of who you have become.

Stand for Self-Respect and Dignity

Are you so meek you’ve largely disappeared? Do you bend and bend some more and keep on bending? Are you so flexible that you’ve lost your spine and the ability to stand up altogether? Do you mold yourself into other people’s reality, losing the shape and form of who you most fundamentally are?

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself." ~ Robert Frost

Never become the doormat on which others wipe their feet. Never be the sole giver to a bottomless pit. Never secret your mind for fear of upsetting others by sharing a piece of it. Never deny yourself so as to keep the peace. Never be nothing to let someone else think they’re something. Never evaporate into thin air or turn to liquid or shrink into the cracks in the floorboards of life just because someone else is inclined to walk on you.

It’s time to stand and be counted! Stand tall with your moral footing firmly planted on moral principle and treat yourself with dignity and respect.

And expect it from others. But don’t fall to the noisy temptation of demanding respect by virtue of the volume of your voice, but by the quiet dignity of your integrity to what’s right and a healthy respect for who you are and are working to become.

Stand Even When No One Else Will Stand With You

Standing up to be counted is a daunting thing, especially if most of your life has been lived in the fetal position. But life cannot be lived well if we live it slouched, bent in the perpetual position of a bow or an apology or a question mark.

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

So refuse to be the question mark at the end of someone else’s sentence. Stop being the soggy flakes at the milky bottom of life’s cereal bowl. Refuse to be the whisper behind closed doors or the silence that sinks deep into the heart like a knife.

Instead, be a man or be a woman, standing tall, strong, a person of moral courage, dedicated to truth and principle, your hands outstretched, ready to lift the weary, a voice that is clear and distinct and confident. Ready, in short, to stand and be counted, to make a difference, to help change the world.

That, after all, is what we were meant to be. And together, that’s what we can accomplish.

Afterthoughts

"Those who stand for nothing fall for anything." ~ Alexander Hamilton

Decide what you stand for and stand for it! Stand for people, for relationships, for those in need, for your fellow brothers and sisters in this 7 billion member family called humanity. Stand on principle and for truth whether others follow or run or condemn.

Develop an inner core that prevents indifference and apathy, that keeps you walking on the same side of the street as the man with the empty eyes and empty pockets and empty stomach, that holds you firmly to high standards and the self-reverence of self- respect.

And then, and perhaps only then, will we develop the power to alter the course and trajectory of our world because we will have exercised the power to stand tall in the face of those who want us to kneel and cower and apologize and slide into the background of life.

But we won’t do it. Instead, we will stand for something greater than our own self-interest. We will stand for truth and dignity and humanity. And, if we must, even if abandoned by others for a time, we will still stand until the whole world is standing with us.

What do you stand for?

　

How Steve Jobs Made Me An Entrepreneur:

19 Lesson and Quotes Worth Living

by Scott Dinsmore

"I want to put a dent in the universe." - Steve Jobs, February 24, 1955 – October 5, 2011

　

Two weeks ago today, we lost a Legend. Perhaps the most wold-changing Legend of our time. It’s quite possible that Steve Jobs had an impact on every single modern day adult across the world. It’s hard to believe a statement like that could be possible with any one person.

The sad thing, and the thing I find so fascinating, is despite how big of a deal something is at the time – How many headlines an event steals or How many news rooms dive on it. Within a few days or a few weeks, it’s often like it never happened. The day Steve Jobs died, Twitter blew up. The whole web blew up. So did every news house around the world. Articles and links were everywhere. This continued for a few days.

But sadly, only a couple weeks later, I see hardly any mention.

Steve Jobs’ death hit me hard.

It hit me harder than I thought it would. A lot harder. And I had already been planning on it being a pretty tough blow…

The day I heard, I immediately thought about canceling that day’s article and pouring out my condolences. But then I remembered how quickly we forget. So I decided to wait a couple weeks.

This is my public tribute to one of the biggest Living Legens of our time. I hope it at least slightly reignites the passion for a day or two. Please share and tweet this as much as you feel is appropriate.

How Steve Jobs made me an entrepreneur…

Anyone who’s recently watched his 2005 Stanford Commencement Speech, will realize just how aligned the purpose and beliefs of are with the words he covers in those 15 minutes. It’s uncanny how unbelievably powerful every one of those words are. Since I first saw that speech five or so years ago, I’ve watched it almost monthly. Ironically I keep it saved on my iPhone. I don’t care when the last time was that you watched it. Watch it again. And again. This stuff has to be brainwashed.

His life. His approach. His philosophy, solidified a fire that had been burning inside me for years.

His music motivates me, his phone entertains me, his animation comforts me, and I even wrote my first book on his MacBook air. This guy has had an impact.

Here are some of the lessons he’s taught me…

19 Steve Jobs Quotes and Life Lessons to Live By

1. "Do you want to spend the rest of your life selling sugared water or do you want a chance to change the world?"

Embody your why. Have a reason for being. If you can communicate a compelling enough reason, you can influence anyone. How else do you poach a CEO from Pepsi to run your business when you aren’t even 30? Live and breathe it. And as Simon Sinek says, always, always Start with Why?.

2. "Focus and simplicity…once you get there, you can move mountains."

Keep it simple. Stay focused. Two of the most valuable tools in business. Also some of the most underused. It wasn’t until I dedicated my focus solely to my two passions: helping people do work they love and helping people own good businesses through the stock market, and dropped all the other side projects, did the pieces start to fall together. That’s when the community here at Live Your Legend began to form. That’s when the impact started to be clear.

3. "You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards."

Believe things will work out. How was I ever to know that the girl who broke my heart in university would lead to my soulmate? How was I to know that the ‘dream job’ I was rejected from out of college would lead me to a year of entrepreneurship and adventure in Spain? How was I to know that taking a miserable job back in the states would be just the push I needed to vow to never do something I wasn’t passionate about again? Everything works out. I mean everything. As long as you believe it will. When you do, you will find the silver lining. That will take you to the next level.

4. "The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle."

Do what you love. Need I say more? From the first day my dad gave me a copy of What Color is Your Parachute to the birth of Live Your Legend and the creation of How to Live off Your Passion. All the actions, all the decisions to move on to greener pastures in the past decade come back to the belief I have, thanks to Steve, that doing what you love is not something for the lucky few. It’s for the ones willing to work their ass off. The ones who want it badly enough. Those who refuse to settle. Just like all you…

5. "Death is very likely the single best invention of life."

Don’t wait. The second you realize how fragile and short life is, is the second you get your ass up and start doing what matters. There will never be a good time to do something. There is always a reason to put it off. The timing is never perfect. Do it anyway. Later turns to never too quickly.

6. "And no, we don’t know where it will lead. We just know there’s something much bigger than any of us here."

Create something bigger than yourself. Don’t do it for you. Do it for them. Do it for the people you will help. Do it for the impact you could have on the world. Live Your Legend has become what it is because it is bigger than I could ever hope to be on my own. It is what it is, because of all of you. The path to doing great things is uncertain. It always will be. Walk it anyway and do something epic.

7. "Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren’t used to an environment where excellence is expected."

Don’t cut corners. This goes as much for business and products as it does for friends and loved ones. Do you know the easiest way to stand out? Simply take pride in what you do. Put your heart into it. Sadly many people don’t. Excellence will always be the biggest differentiator of all. Know your excellence and own it.

8. "It comes from saying no to 1,000 things to make sure we don’t get on the wrong track or try to do too much."

Focus. Thirty minutes in the sun is refreshing. Thirty seconds under a magnifying glass will light you on fire. Don’t under estimate the power of focus. With it literally anything is possible. People sometimes ask how I am able to run the two businesses that I am. They don’t understand how I have the time. What they don’t realize is that I don’t piss away time on things that are meaningless to me. It becomes a lot easier to do that when what you’re doing actually matters to you.

9. "Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower."

Be different. It’s easy to copy someone. And in many cases modeling makes the most sense. But never give up who you are. Adopt a successful framework but find your own way to be different. Or turn everything on its head. Our investment partnership only charges investors fees if we make them money. We don’t do our job, we don’t get paid. Sounds obvious until you realize less than 1% of funds operate that way. Be different. You’ll be noticed.

10. "Our goal is to make the best devices in the world, not to be the biggest."

Know what you want (and what you don’t care about). Most people want it all. The problem is when you try to accomplish that, especially at the same time, you get nowhere. Have the type of pride in what you do to know you can’t be everything to everyone, and instead commit to being something meaningful to someone.

There are a million ideas that came through my mind when launching this site. In the end I left all but a couple for the others out there to keep doing. I had my own idea. Thank you for supporting it. You don’t need as much money as you think. You don’t need as many followers as you think. You don’t need as many customers as you think. Focus on what matters to you. The results will be obvious.

11. "Things don’t have to change the world to be important."

Make your own impact. I don’t care how big or small it is. All that matters is you do something unique to you that helps people in a way you care about. Don’t be intimidated by the big and famous successful folks. Be inspired by them. If you believe it’s important. Then it’s important. Do that enough and the world will agree.

12. "We don’t get a chance to do that many things, and everyone should be really excellent. Because this is our life."

Be good at something. Every one of us is excellent at something. The sad thing is that most spend the majority of their life doing something else. Know what you’re awesome at. Know what you can help people with more than anything. It’s a waste to you and a waste to the world to do anything less. It’s never too late. You can’t put your dent in the world if you’re sitting in a cube doing work you’re not even good at.

13. "We hire people who want to make the best things in the world."

Be attractive. Have pride. Like Warren Buffett says – the best defense against a nasty economy is to be really good at something. Once you figure out what you want and how you want to change the world, stop at nothing until you find a company who believes the same. It will be love at first sight. Or find a partner or start a business that embodies it.

14. "We’re just enthusiastic about what we do."

Excitement trumps everything. If you can’t get excited about what you’re doing, you have to leave. That’s why I fired myself from corporate hell only seven months into my first official job. Excitement is contagious. But so is depression. With enough enthusiasm, anything is possible.

15. "Half of what separates the successful entrepreneurs from the non-successful ones is pure perseverance."

Don’t give up. That’s the only way to ensure you never fail. If you can keep charging forward, no matter how fast or slow, over time your competitors will find ways to defeat themselves. It would be embarrassing to divulge to you the number of times a fleeting thought of giving up has flashed in my mind. A few years ago it used to stick around for minutes and even days. But I loved what I did. And I knew it mattered. So I kept going. And I keep going. Love motivates like nothing else.

And a few others:

16. "I’m as proud of what we don’t do as I am of what we do."

17. "I’m the only person I know that’s lost a quarter of a billion dollars in one year. It’s very character-building."

18. "Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

What’s Your Legacy?

30 years ago Steve Jobs said he wanted to put a ‘dent’ in the universe…

Then he got fired from a company he created by a man he hired.

What’d he do?

He kept going.

He built another company. Two in fact.

One gave us Toy Story.

The other got him back to Apple.

Then he changed the world.

He had a Reason Why that the world could get behind. He stood for challenging the status quo, expressing creativity, empowering the individual.

He stood for not settling. For doing work you love and stopping at nothing to achieve it.

Not even the threat of death.

He was determined to make a difference.

Even after he was given 6 months to live. He changed the world for another 6 years.

Steve always planned to leave a legacy.

He grew up dead set on changing the world. He wasn’t sure how he’d do it, but he was pretty sure he would.

A lot of people told him he was crazy.

He did it any way.

It’s sad to see such a Living Legend pass on but the beauty is not just what he created but also in what he left with us now that he’s gone.

It begs the question.

What legacy are you leaving?

Are you putting the dent in the world you know you can be?

It doesn’t have to some grand world-changing idea. It just has to matter to you.

If not then why not? How can I help?

Is what’s holding you back really that powerful?

If you haven’t started, now’s the time to begin planning your legacy. And Living Your Legend.

Don’t waste your time living someone else’s dream.

With the loss of Steve, we need you now more than ever.

So… what legacy will you leave?
"For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something."
- Steve Jobs

You are already Perfect

by Leo Babauta on Zen Habits

‘Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.’ ~Lao Tzu

"A lot of people come to Zen Habits (and read other personal development blogs and books) because they want to improve something about themselves. They’re not satisfied with their lives, they’re unhappy with their bodies, they want to be better people.

I know, because I was one of those people.

This desire to improve myself and my life was one of the things that led to Zen Habits. I’ve been there, and I can say that it leads to a lot of striving, and a lot of dissatisfaction with who you are and what your life is.

A powerful realization that has helped me is simply this: You’re already good enough, you already have more than enough, and you’re already perfect.

Try saying that to yourself, as corny as that might sound, just to see if it sounds true. Does it resonate as something you already believe (in which case, you can probably stop reading now), or does it not feel right? Do you feel like there are things you still need to improve?

The thing I’ve learned, and it’s not some new truth but an old one that took me much too long to learn, is that if you learn to be content with who you are and where you are in life, it changes everything.

Consider what changes:

You no longer feel dissatisfied with yourself or your life.

You no longer spend so much time and energy wanting to change and trying to change.

You no longer compare yourself to other people, and wish you were better.

You can be happy, all the time, no matter what happens in the world around you.

Instead of trying to improve yourself, you can spend your time helping others.

You stop spending so much money on things that will supposedly improve your life.

You can be smug about it, like me.

OK, the last bit was a joke, but the rest is true, in my experience.

And here’s another realization that I’ve written about before: You already have everything you need to be happy, right here and right now.

Do you have eyes that see? You have the ability to appreciate the beauty of the sky, of greenery, of people’s faces, of water. Do you have ears that hear? You have the ability to appreciate music, the sound of rainfall, the laughter of friends. You have the ability to feel rough denim, cool breezes, grass on bare feet … to smell fresh-cut grass, flowers, coffee … to taste a plum, a chili pepper, chocolate.

This is a miracle, and we take it for granted. Instead, we strive for more, when we already have everything. We want nicer clothes, cooler gadgets, bigger muscles, bigger boobies, flatter stomachs, bigger houses, cars with leather seats that talk to you and massage your butt. We’ve kinda gone insane that way.

The sane thing is to realize we don’t need any of that. We don’t need to improve our lives. We don’t need to improve ourselves, because we’re already perfect.

Once you accept this, it frees you.

You’re now free to do things, not because you want to be better, but because you love it. Because you’re passionate about it, and it gives you joy. Because it’s a miracle that you even can do it.

You’re already perfect. Being content with yourself means realizing that striving for perfection is based on someone else’s idea of what "perfect" is … and that that’s all bullshit. Perfect is who you are, not who someone else says you should be.

Also, as corny as it may sound, I love you, completely and unconditionally, and if everyone else in your world betrays and abandons you, you always have me. :)

Learning to Be Content

‘He who is contented is rich.’ ~Lao Tzu

If you are in a bad place in your life, and are unhappy with everything about it (job, relationship, yourself, house, habits, etc.), it can be a miserable thing. But here’s something interesting: it can also be a happy thing.

I’ve been in situations where you might think things were bad, and sometimes I was very unhappy, and other times I was happy. The difference wasn’t in the external circumstances, but in my mindset — I learned to appreciate what I had, instead of focusing on the things I didn’t have or didn’t like. I was grateful for my health, for the people in my life, for having food and being alive.

If you can learn to develop the right mindset, you can be happy now, without changing anything else. You don’t need to wait until you’ve changed everything and made your life perfect before you’re happy — you have everything you need to be happy right now.

The mindset of waiting for happiness is a never-ending cycle. You get a better job (yay!) and then immediately start thinking about what your next promotion will be. You get a nicer house and immediately start looking at how nice your neighbors’ houses are, or the faults in the house you have. You try to change your spouse or kids, and if that works (good luck), you’ll find other things about them that need to be changed. It keeps going, until you die.

Instead, learn that you can be content now, without any external changes. Here’s how to start:

Take a moment to be grateful for something. What in your life is amazing? Even if everything seems to suck, there must be one good thing. It might simply be that you have beauty somewhere nearby, or that you are alive, or that your kids are healthy. Find something, and give thanks for that.

Catch yourself thinking, "This sucks." It’s amazing how often people think this thought. "This sucks!" "My co-worker is the worst — he sucks!" "My wife doesn’t understand me — this suuucks!" It might be in different words, but if you catch yourself thinking something like that, pause. Reverse the thinking. Find a way to be thankful for the situation. "My wife is a caring and sweet person — maybe I should give her a hug." "My co-worker might be annoying sometimes, but he has a good heart, and maybe I should get to know him better." "My room might be messy but at least I have a roof over my head."

Find the little things that can give you simple joys. What do you need to be happy? I love simple things, like taking a walk, spending time with a loved one, reading a book, eating some berries, drinking tea. These cost very little, and require very little, and can make me very happy. Find the simple things that give you similar happiness, and focus on those rather than what you don’t have.

Find the things about yourself that you’re happy with. We tend to criticize ourselves easily, but what if we turned it around and asked, "What do I do right? What am I good at? What is loveable about me?" Make a list. Start to focus on these things rather than what you’re unhappy with.

Do the same with others in your life. Instead of criticizing them, ask yourself, "What is good about this person? What do I love about them?" Make a list, and focus on these things above all else.

Assume that you, others, and life are perfect. You are great, and don’t need improvement. You aren’t a piece of clay that must be shaped and molded into something better — you are already perfect. Other people are also just as perfect, and don’t need improvement. You just need to appreciate them for who they are. The moment we are living in is not a stepping stone to something better — it is exactly wonderful, and we have already arrived at the perfect moment.

The Contented Life

It might be useful to look at what life would be like if you learned to be content:

Self image. We compare ourselves with the images in our head of perfection — movie stars, models in magazines, other people who seem to have it all together — and we can never measure up to those perfect images. But those images are not real. They are an imagined ideal. Even the beautiful people have bad hair days and feel flabby, and if you take away their photoshopped and heavily-made-up façade, you see that they are every bit as human as you are. Even the people who seem successful, living exciting lives — they have the same self-doubts you have. So if they don’t live up to this ideal image, why should you? And even if they did (which they don’t), why would you need to? When we let go of this image of perfection, we realize that we are already exactly who we should be. And then, all our need for self-improvement, and all the activity and effort and pain that implies, fades away. We are happy with ourselves, and nothing else is needed.

Relationships. If you are content with yourself, you are more likely to be a good friend, partner, parent. You are more likely to be happy and friendly and loving, more likely to be as accepting of others as you are of yourself. Relationships improve, especially when others learn to be content with themselves, from your example.

Health. Much of our culture’s unhealthiness comes from unhappiness — eating junk food to give ourselves comfort and relieve stress, not exercising because we think we can’t (because we have a bad self-image), being glued online because we think we might miss something if we turn off the computer or iPhone. When you realize that you aren’t missing anything, and you don’t need junk food to be happy, and you are good enough to exercise, you can slowly return to health.

Possessions. The overload of possessions in our lives comes from unhappiness — we buy things because we think they’ll give us comfort, coolness, happiness, security, an exciting life. When we become content with ourselves and our lives, we realize none of that is necessary, and we can start getting rid of these extraneous crutches.

Busy-ness. Much of our busy-ness comes from fear that we should be doing more, that we might be missing out, that we aren’t enough already. But we are enough, and we don’t need more, and we aren’t missing out.. So we can let go of a lot of unnecessary activity, and just focus on doing what we love, and give ourselves the space to enjoy a contented life.

This is all just a few scratches on the surface of a contented life, but it gives you a picture of what might be. And the truth is, once you learn the simple trick of contentedness, it’s really a picture of what already is. You just need to let go of the fears, and see what is already here.

‘Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.’ ~Lao Tzu

How to Live Well

‘Begin at once to live, and count each separate day as a separate life.’ ~Seneca

I’m not a rich man, nor do I fly around the world and drink champagne with famous people in exotic locales, nor do I own a sports car or SUV or a yacht.

And yet, I’m very happy.

Much happier than seven years ago when I ate fried foods and sweets all time time and felt unhealthy and overweight, when I watched television and was out of shape, when I shopped a lot and was in debt, when I worked a job that paid fairly well and had no time for myself or my loved ones.

How have I accomplished this? With small tricks. The truth is, you don’t need a lot to live well — you just need the right mindset.

Here’s what I’ve learned about living well on little:

You need very little to be happy. Some simple plant food, modest shelter, a couple changes of clothes, a good book, a notebook, some meaningful work, and some loved ones.

Want little, and you are not poor. You can have a lot of money and possessions, but if you always want more, you are poorer than the guy who has little and wants nothing.

Focus on the present. Stop worrying about the future and holding onto the past. How much of your day is spent thinking about things other than where you are and what you’re doing, physically, at this moment? How often are we living as opposed to stuck thinking about other things? Live now and you live fully.

Be happy with what you have and where you are. Too often we want to be somewhere else, doing something else, with other people than whoever we’re with right now, getting things other than what we already have. But where we are is great! Who we’re with (including just ourselves) is already perfect. What we have is enough. What we’re doing already is amazing.

Be grateful for the small pleasures in life. Berries, a square of dark chocolate, tea — simple pleasures that are so much better than rich desserts, sugary drinks, fried foods if you learn to enjoy them fully. A good book borrowed from the library, a walk with a loved one in the park, the fine exertion of a short hard workout, the crazy things your child says, the smile of a stranger, walking barefoot on grass, a moment of quiet as the morning wakens and the world still rests. These little pleasures are living well, without needing much.

Be driven by joy and not fear. People are driven by the fear of missing out, or the fear of change, or the fear of losing something. These are not good reasons to do things. Instead, do things because they give you or others joy. Let your work be driven not because you need to support a lifestyle and are afraid of changing it, but by the joy of doing something creative, meaningful, valuable.

Practice compassion. Compassion for others creates loving, rewarding relationships. Compassion for yourself means forgiving yourself for past mistakes, treating yourself well (including eating well and exercising), loving yourself as you are.

Forget about productivity and numbers. They matter not at all. If you are driven to do things to reach certain numbers (goals), you have probably lost sight of what’s important. If you are striving to be productive, you are filling your days with things just to be productive, which is a waste of a day. This day is a gift, and shouldn’t be crammed with every possible thing — spend time enjoying it and what you’re doing.

What I’ve Learned About Learning

‘We learn more by looking for the answer to a question and not finding it than we do from learning the answer itself.’ ~Lloyd Alexander

I am a teacher and an avid learner, and I’m passionate about both.

I’m a lifelong learner and am always obsessively studying something, whether that’s breadmaking or language or wine or chess or writing or fitness.

Here’s are two key lessons — both really the same lesson — I’ve learned about learning, in all my years of study and in trying to teach people:

Almost everything I’ve learned, I didn’t learn in school; and

Almost everything my students (and kids) have learned, they learned on their own.

Those two lessons (or one lesson) have a number of reasons and implications for learning. Let’s take a look at some of them, in hopes you might find them useful.

Why Learning is Independent

One of the foundations of Unschooling, which Eva and I and the kids do here at home, is that you’re not teaching subjects to your kids — in fact, you’re not really teaching them at all. They take responsibility for their learning, and do it because they’re interested in something, not because you tell them they should learn it.

This is exactly how I learn as an adult, and so I know it works.

When teachers (wonderful people that they were) tried to teach me something in school, I often became bored, and just did what I needed to do to do well on the test. Not because the subject or the teacher was boring, but because it wasn’t something I cared about. They wanted me to learn it because they thought I should, but that’s not why people learn something. They learn it because they care about it — because they find it incredibly interesting, or because they need it to do something they really want to do.

When teachers succeeded in getting me to learn, it was only because they made something seem so interesting that I started to care about it. But then I learned on my own, either in class while ignoring everyone else, or more likely after class in the library or at home.

That’s because someone walking you through the steps of learning something doesn’t work — you aren’t learning when you’re just listening to someone tell you how something works. You’re learning when you try to do that something — putting it into action. That’s when the real learning begins and the superficial learning ends — when you try something and fail, and adjust and try again, and solve countless little problems as you do so.

The best teachers know this, and so they inspire, and help you to put the learning into action.

As an adult, I’ve learned a lot on my own. The stuff I’ve just read, I’ve mostly forgotten. But the stuff I’ve put into action by playing with it, by practicing, by creating and sharing with others — that stuff has stuck with me. I truly learned it.

I learned about blogging when I started blogging, and kept doing it for five years — not by reading blogs about blogging. My students have learned habits and decluttering and meditation and blogging from me not because I told them something brilliants, but because the ones who really learned put it into action. They formed a simple habit, decluttered their homes, did 5 minutes of meditation for 30 days, blogged.

This is where the real learning happens — when the fingers start moving, the feet start dancing, not when you hear or read something.

How to Learn (or Teach)

The teacher’s job, really, is to fascinate the student. Fascination is the key to learning. Then help the student put the fascination into action.

It follows then, that if you’re teaching yourself, your job is exactly the same.

Here’s how to learn:

Get fascinated. As a teacher, you should fascinate the student by rediscovering with her all the things that originally fascinated you about the topic. If you can’t get fascinated, you won’t care enough to really learn something. You’ll just go through the motions. How do you get fascinated? Often doing something with or for other people helps to motivate me to look more deeply into something, and reading about other people who have been successful/legendary at it also fascinates me.

Pour yourself into it. I will read every website and book I can get my hands on. Google and the library are my first stops. They’re free. The used bookstore will be next. There are always an amazing amount of online resources to learn anything. If there isn’t, create one.

Do it, in small steps. Actually doing whatever you want to do will be scary. You can learn as much Spanish vocabulary as you like, but until you start having conversations, you won’t really know it. You can read as much about chess as you like, but you have to put the problems into action, and play games. You can read about how to program, but you won’t know it until you actually code. Start with small, non-scary steps, with as little risk as possible, focusing on fun, easy skills.

Play. Learning isn’t work. It’s fun. If you’re learning because you think you should, not because you’re having fun with it, you will not really stick with it for long, or you’ll hate it and not care about it. So make it play. Make games out of it. Sing and dance while you do it. Show off your new skills to people, with a smile on your face.

Do it with others. I believe most learning is done on your own, but doing it with others makes it fun. I like to work out with my friends and with Eva. I like to bake bread for my family. I like to play chess with my kids. That motivates me to learn, because I want to do well when I do it with others.

Feel free to move around. I will dive into something for a couple weeks, and then move on to something else. That’s OK. That’s how passion for a topic often works. Sometimes it will last for a long time, sometimes it’s a short intense burst. You can’t control it. Allow yourself to wander if that’s where things lead you.

But deep learning takes months or years. You can learn a lot about something in 2-4 weeks, but you really become an expert at something only after months and years of doing it. I knew a lot about blogging after 6 months, but I waited a couple years before I was comfortable teaching others about it. Even now, after 5+ years of blogging, I’m still learning. The same applies to habits — I’ve learned a lot after 7 years of successfully creating habits, and now can actually teach it with some confidence. So how do you allow yourself to wander, but stick with something for long enough to get deep learning? By wandering around within the topic. You can learn a lot about wine in a month, for example, but what if after that you focused on cabernet sauvignon for a month, then zinfandel, then pinot noir? What if then you decided to learn about Oregon pinot noirs, then Sonoma pinots, then (the wonderful) pinots from Burgundy? You’d be wandering around, but going deeper and deeper. You can also move away from a topic, then get fascinated with it again and come back to it.

Test yourself. You can learn a lot of information quickly by studying something, testing yourself, studying again to fill in the holes in your knowledge, testing again, and repeating until you have it by heart. That’s not always the most fun way to learn, but it can work well. Alternatively, you can learn by playing, and when you play, allow that to be your test.

Disagree. Don’t just agree that everything you’re reading or hearing from others on a topic is correct, even if they are foremost experts. First, experts are often wrong, and it’s not until they are challenged that new knowledge is found. Second, even if they are right and you are wrong by disagreeing, you learn by disagreeing. By disagreeing, you have already not only considered what you’ve been given, but formulated an alternative theory. Then you have to try to test to see which is right, and even if you find that the first information or theory was right and you were wrong, now you know that much better than if you just agreed. I’m not saying to disagree with everything, but the more you do, the better you’ll learn. Don’t disagree in a disagreeable way, and don’t hold onto your theories too tightly and be defensive about them.

Teach it. There is no better way to cement your knowledge than to teach it to others. It’s OK if you don’t really know it that well — as long as you’re honest about that when you’re teaching it to someone. For example, I’m a beginner at chess, but I will learn something about it and teach it to my kids — they know I’m not a tournament contender, let alone a master, and yet I’m still teaching them something they don’t know. And when I do, I begin to really understand it, because to teach you have to take what you’ve absorbed, reflect upon it, find a way to organize it so that you can communicate it to someone else clearly enough for them to understand it, see their mistakes and help correct them, see where the holes in your knowledge are, and more.

Learning can be subliminal. We think we’re in control of our minds and we’re like programmers telling our minds what to learn, how to learn, and what data to retain. No. Our minds work in mysterious ways, and cannot be tightly controlled. They wander, latch onto the weirdest things, and soak up more than we know. Later, you can come back to what you’ve absorbed, and test yourself, and find you knew something you didn’t realize you knew. The lesson is to expose yourself to as much as possible on a topic, and allow yourself to absorb it. Sometimes your mind will pick up patterns you didn’t consciously realize were there, but then can use those patterns later when you put the learning into action.

Reflect on your learning by blogging. You soak up a ton of information and patterns, and you can put that into action, but when you sit down and reflect on what you’ve learned, and try to share that with others (as I’m doing right now), you force yourself to think deeply, to synthesize the knowledge and to organize it, much as you do when you teach it to others. Blogging is a great tool for reflection and sharing what you’ve learned, even if you don’t hope to make a living at it. And it’s free.

‘The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.’ ~Albert Einstein

38 Lessons I’ve Learned in My 38 Years

1. Always swallow your pride to say you’re sorry. Being too proud to apologize is never worth it — your relationship suffers for no good benefit.

2. Possessions are worse than worthless — they’re harmful. They add no value to your life, and cost you everything. Not just the money required to buy them, but the time and money spent shopping for them, maintaining them, worrying about them, insuring them, fixing them, etc.

3. Slow down. Rushing is rarely worth it. Life is better enjoyed at a leisurely pace.

4. Goals aren’t as important as we think. Try working without them for a week. Turns out, you can do amazing things without goals. And you don’t have to manage them, cutting out on some of the bureaucracy of your life. You’re less stressed without goals, and you’re freer to choose paths you couldn’t have foreseen without them.

5. The moment is all there is. All our worries and plans about the future, all our replaying of things that happened in the past — it’s all in our heads, and it just distracts us from fully living right now. Let go of all that, and just focus on what you’re doing, right at this moment. In this way, any activity can be meditation.

6. When your child asks for your attention, always grant it. Give your child your full attention, and instead of being annoyed at the interruption, be grateful for the reminder to spend time with someone you love.

7. Don’t go into debt. That includes credit card debt, student debt, home debt, personal loans, auto loans. We think they’re necessary but they’re not, at all. They cause more headaches than they’re worth, they can ruin lives, and they cost us way more than we get. Spend less than you earn, go without until you have the money.

8. I’m not cool, and I’m cool with that. I wasted a lot of energy when I was younger worrying about being cool. It’s way more fun to forget about that, and just be yourself.

9. The only kind of marketing you need is an amazing product. If it’s good, people will spread the word for you. All other kind of marketing is disingenuous.

10. Never send an email or message that’s unfit for the eyes of the world. In this digital age, you never know what might slip into public view.

11. You can’t motivate people. The best you can hope for is to inspire them with your actions. People who think they can use behavioral "science" or management techniques have not spent enough time on the receiving end of either.

12. If you find yourself swimming with all the other fish, go the other way. They don’t know where they’re going either.

13. You will miss a ton, but that’s OK. We’re so caught up in trying to do everything, experience all the essential things, not miss out on anything important … that we forget the simple fact that we cannot experience everything. That physical reality dictates we’ll miss most things. We can’t read all the good books, watch all the good films, go to all the best cities in the world, try all the best restaurants, meet all the great people. But the secret is: life is better when we don’t try to do everything. Learn to enjoy the slice of life you experience, and life turns out to be wonderful.

14. Mistakes are the best way to learn. Don’t be afraid to make them. Try not to repeat the same ones too often.

15. Failures are the stepping stones to success. Without failure, we’ll never learn how to succeed. So try to fail, instead of trying to avoid failure through fear.

16. Rest is more important than you think. People work too hard, forget to rest, and then begin to hate their jobs. In fitness, you see it constantly: people training for a marathon getting burned out because they don’t know how to let their straining muscles and joints recover. People who try to do too much because they don’t know that rest is where their body gets stronger, after the stress.

17. There are few joys that equal a good book, a good walk, a good hug, or a good friend. All are free.

18. Fitness doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a long process, a learning process, something that happens in little bits over a long period. I’ve been getting fit for five years now, and I still have more to learn and do. But the progress I’ve made has been amazing, and it’s been a great journey.

19. The destination is just a tiny slice of the journey. We’re so worried about goals, about our future, that we miss all the great things along the way. If you’re fixated on the goal, on the end, you won’t enjoy it when you get there. You’ll be worried about the next goal, the next destination.

20. A good walk cures most problems. Want to lose weight and get fit? Walk. Want to enjoy life but spend less? Walk. Want to cure stress and clear your head? Walk. Want to meditate and live in the moment? Walk. Having trouble with a life or work problem? Walk, and your head gets clear.

21. Let go of expectations. When you have expectations of something — a person, an experience, a vacation, a job, a book — you put it in a predetermined box that has little to do with reality. You set up an idealized version of the thing (or person) and then try to fit the reality into this ideal, and are often disappointed. Instead, try to experience reality as it is, appreciate it for what it is, and be happy that it is.

22. Giving is so much better than getting. Give with no expectation of getting something in return, and it becomes a purer, more beautiful act. To often we give something and expect to get an equal measure in return — at least get some gratitude or recognition for our efforts. Try to let go of that need, and just give.

23. Competition is very rarely as useful as cooperation. Our society is geared toward competition — rip each other’s throats out, survival of the fittest, yada yada. But humans are meant to work together for the survival of the tribe, and cooperation pools our resources and allows everyone to contribute what they can. It requires a whole other set of people skills to work cooperatively, but it’s well worth the effort.

24. Gratitude is one of the best ways to find contentment. We are often discontent in our lives, desire more, because we don’t realize how much we have. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, be grateful for the amazing gifts you’ve been given: of loved ones and simple pleasures, of health and sight and the gift of music and books, of nature and beauty and the ability to create, and everything in between. Be grateful every day.

25. Compassion for other living things is more important than pleasure. Many people scoff at vegetarianism because they love the taste of meat and cheese too much, but they are putting the pleasure of their taste buds ahead of the suffering of other living, feeling beings. You can be perfectly healthy on a vegetarian (even vegan) diet, so killing and torturing animals is absolutely unnecessary. Compassion is a much more fulfilling way to live than closing your eyes to suffering.

26. Taste buds change. I thought I could never give up meat, but by doing it slowly, I never missed it. I thought I could never give up junk food like sweets, fried crap, nachos, all kinds of unhealthy things … and yet today I would rather eat some fresh berries or raw nuts. Weird, but it’s amazing how much our taste buds can change.

27. Create. The world is full of distractions, but very few are as important as creating. In my job as a writer, there is nothing that comes close to being as crucial as creating. In my life, creating is one of the few things that has given me meaning. When it’s time to work, clear away all else and create.

28. Get some perspective. Usually when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. In the larger picture, this one problem means almost nothing. This fight we’re having with someone else — it’s over something that matters naught. Let it go, and move on.

29. Don’t sit too much. It kills you. Move, dance, run, play.

30. Use the magic of compound interest. Invest early, and it will grow as if by alchemy. Live on little, don’t get into debt, save all you can, and invest it in mutual funds. Watch your money grow.

31. All we are taught in schools, and all we see in the media (news, films, books, magazines, Internet) has a worldview that we’re meant to conform to. Figure out what that worldview is, and question it. Ask if there are alternatives, and investigate. Hint: the corporations exert influence over all of our information sources. Another hint: read Chomsky.

32. Learn the art of empathy. Too often we judge people on too little information. We must try to understand what they do instead, put ourselves in their shoes, start with the assumption that what others do has a good reason if we understand what they’re going through. Life becomes much better if you learn this art.

33. Do less. Most people try to do too much. They fill life with checklists, and try to crank out tasks as if they were widget machines. Throw out the checklists and just figure out what’s important. Stop being a machine and focus on what you love. Do it lovingly.

34. No one knows what they’re doing as parents. We’re all faking it, and hoping we’re getting it right. Some people obsess about the details, and miss out on the fun. I just try not to mess them up too much, to show them they’re loved, to enjoy the moments I can with them, to show them life is fun, and stay out of the way of them becoming the amazing people they’re going to become. That they already are.

35. Love comes in many flavors. I love my children, completely and more than I can ever fully understand. I love them each in a different way, and know that each is perfect in his or her own way.

36. Life is exceedingly brief. You might feel like there’s a huge mass of time ahead of you, but it passes much faster than you think. Your kids grow up so fast you get whiplash. You get gray hairs before you’re done getting your bearings on life. Appreciate every damn moment.

37. Fear will try to stop you. Doubts will try to stop you. You’ll shy away from doing great things, from going on new adventures, from creating something new and putting it out in the world, because of self-doubt and fear. It will happen in the recesses of your mind, where you don’t even know it’s happening. Become aware of these doubts and fears. Shine some light on them. Beat them with a thousand tiny cuts. Do it anyway, because they are wrong.

38. I have a lot left to learn. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that I know almost nothing, and that I’m often wrong about what I think I know. Life has many lessons left to teach me, and I’m looking forward to them all.

39th Lesson - You’re not missing out.

Our lives are often ruled by the Fear of Missing Out, or FOMO.

Some ways we let the fear of missing out rule us:

We check email, Facebook, Twitter and other social networks often, in case we’re missing something important.

We try and do the most exciting things, and are constantly in search of exciting things, because we’re worried we might miss out on the fun that others are having.

We constantly read about what other people are doing, and try to emulate them, because it sounds like they’re doing something great that we’re not.

We often want to travel the world, because it seems that other people are living amazing lives by traveling all the time.

We miss what we don’t have, miss places and people who we aren’t with.

We work constantly, because we think if we don’t, we might miss out on opportunities other people will get.

We feel like our own lives are poor in comparison with the great lives others are leading, and so feel bad about ourselves.

I could go on and on, but I have a birthday breakfast to eat (Eva and the kids are baking something delicious), so I’ll stop there.

We fear missing out, but why?

The truth is, we could run around trying to do everything exciting, and travel around the world, and always stay in touch with our iPhones and Crackberries, and work and party all day long without sleep … but we could never do it all. We will always be missing something.

And so, if we cannot help missing out, what is a saner alternative than letting this fear drive us? Let go of it, and realize you have everything right now.

The best in life isn’t somewhere else. It’s right where you are, at this moment. There is nothing better than exactly that.

Pause for just 10 seconds, and notice where you are, what you’re doing, who you are, at this very moment. Notice that you are breathing, and how lovely that is. Notice that you can smile, and feel the joy in that. Notice the good things around you. Give thanks for the people you’ve seen today. Celebrate the perhaps not altogether insignificant fact that you are alive.

This moment, and who you are; is absolutely perfect.

You are missing nothing, because there is nothing better.

You can breathe, and let go of all that fear of missing out, and be happy with what you have. Be grateful, and each moment think not about what you’re missing, but what you’ve been given.

This past year has been my best ever, because each day I have celebrated my Un-birthday with a smile and warmth in my heart. Today, I celebrate my non-un-birthday, and it is perfect. This moment I have spent talking to you is a gift. Thank you, my friends.